Laboring Together

Ahh, Labor Day... an extra day off work and time to spend as a family. What could be sweeter? For my husband and I, this was an ideal chance to practice something I've been reading about: Recreational Companionship.

Let me explain. In his book Mom's Needs, Dad's Needs, Willard Harley Jr. talks about the 5 top needs that must be fulfilled in any marriage for the "in love" feelings to hang around. One of them is Recreational Companionship (the others are intimate conversation, affection, sexual fulfillment, and family commitment, in case you're wondering). Harley points out that it's important for moms and dads to spend their times of greatest enjoyment in life together. That builds up the love between them. If we divide for our fun (perhaps because the other is watching the kids), we give up love with our spouse in favor of nice feelings towards whomever we're around for that fun.

We got to practice this by painting our porch this weekend. We bought beautiful ice-blue paint and got out our rollers and paint brushes and decided to have a good time. We've been working on that porch for a while so the newness of the project has worn off... but it's nice to see the dramatic results of paint. I made a point to bring out our baby when he was up so we could all be together even when I couldn't actually be painting. My husband made the effort to take breaks so that he was involved in childcare too. It took a little more focus on both our parts, but we managed to make good progress and build good family memories with a little thoughtfulness.

I really like the focus of Mom's Needs, Dad's Needs. Harley is a big proponent of interdependency. He says that a couple should only do something that both partners can enthusiastically agree about. That means discussion of how to spend time and thoughtfulness of the other person rather than justification of our desires and arguing. Sounds like a sweeter way to live to me!

RESOURCES

Mom's Needs, Dad's Needs