2009-12-30
Family Christmas
One of the best parts of Christmas is spending it with family. We were very blessed this year to have all of our family in town. At the Hedding Christmas, Leon was in from England so we took a family picture with everyone, even the beloved stuffed animals:
And then on the Gifford side Heather and Ned were in from Utah to fill up our family table. There are a few more little ones and spouses in that family so getting everyone together for a picture didn't happen, but here is the original family unit:
2009-12-28
Fun New Toys
After opening several presents, David has become a pro at playing with his new toys. Here he shows cousin Brooklyn his new "Mozart Cube."
2009-12-15
Esteeming Ourselves Too Much?
Our society is drenched in self-esteem. The generation that is now young adults is even called "Generation Me." We give our kids medals simply for participating. Perhaps we've gone a bit too far.
Would you prefer a next-door neighbor with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? How about an employer with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? How about a spouse with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? Perhaps our kids would fare better in the world if we taught them humility and modesty.
"Generation Me" unfortunately isn't faring all that well in the adult world. Many of them expect to have their parents' living standard without having to work for it. Enter the soaring credit card debt that is weakening our economy and society.
Our children are the future. If we are to change our decadent and deteriorating society, we'll need kids (and parents) who value hard work, maturity, and humility. How can we get there? Focusing our praise on moral victory is a good way to start. Here are some of the ways I praise my 9 month old's budding morality:
"Good job being patient while Mommy clips your fingernails."
"I like how you're keeping your hands out of your mouth while Mommy feeds you."
"Thank you for obeying me and staying away from the computer cord."
"Good job playing by yourself for a bit."
"I liked your self control being quiet in Church."
Of course, he doesn't just develop self control on his own. I also have to tell him "Keep your hands out of your mouth" and "Shh. We're in Church." quite a bit. I like to catch him in his moral victories, though. As he grows in maturity, self control, patience, and obedience, I look forward to many more ways to praise. This will teach him to esteem the good in himself but to overcome the bad.
RESOURCES
Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World
Would you prefer a next-door neighbor with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? How about an employer with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? How about a spouse with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? Perhaps our kids would fare better in the world if we taught them humility and modesty.
"Generation Me" unfortunately isn't faring all that well in the adult world. Many of them expect to have their parents' living standard without having to work for it. Enter the soaring credit card debt that is weakening our economy and society.
Our children are the future. If we are to change our decadent and deteriorating society, we'll need kids (and parents) who value hard work, maturity, and humility. How can we get there? Focusing our praise on moral victory is a good way to start. Here are some of the ways I praise my 9 month old's budding morality:
"Good job being patient while Mommy clips your fingernails."
"I like how you're keeping your hands out of your mouth while Mommy feeds you."
"Thank you for obeying me and staying away from the computer cord."
"Good job playing by yourself for a bit."
"I liked your self control being quiet in Church."
Of course, he doesn't just develop self control on his own. I also have to tell him "Keep your hands out of your mouth" and "Shh. We're in Church." quite a bit. I like to catch him in his moral victories, though. As he grows in maturity, self control, patience, and obedience, I look forward to many more ways to praise. This will teach him to esteem the good in himself but to overcome the bad.
RESOURCES
Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World
2009-12-11
Shocking Behavior
When it first happens to us, our child's defiance comes as quite a shock. (The Little Boy Book, p 31)
Well it's happened to me. My sweet little baby boy has learned to crawl... and has found his self-will.
We baby proofed our house, but still have a computer cord running through our living room which is a "no" for Junior. The first time he scooted over to it was innocent. I told him "no" and moved him away. We've done that a few times. He gets it now.
So yesterday when I warned him as he scooted toward the offending cord, I thought he'd find something else to play with. Not so. He looked at me. Looked at the cord. Looked at me. Grabbed for the cord. Yes at 9 months, he willfully defied a known boundary.
So what's a new mommy to do? I gave his hand a smack and told him "no" with a little more force than before. But, I know that we're not exactly done with discipline here. He'll probably do it again. He'll probably come up with other ways to disobey.
My plan is to consistently reinforce the boundaries. The better his Daddy and I do now in his early months, the easier things will be when he turns 2 and really starts to test the limits.
RESOURCES
The Little Boy Book: A Guide to the First Eight Years
Boundaries with Kids
Well it's happened to me. My sweet little baby boy has learned to crawl... and has found his self-will.
We baby proofed our house, but still have a computer cord running through our living room which is a "no" for Junior. The first time he scooted over to it was innocent. I told him "no" and moved him away. We've done that a few times. He gets it now.
So yesterday when I warned him as he scooted toward the offending cord, I thought he'd find something else to play with. Not so. He looked at me. Looked at the cord. Looked at me. Grabbed for the cord. Yes at 9 months, he willfully defied a known boundary.
So what's a new mommy to do? I gave his hand a smack and told him "no" with a little more force than before. But, I know that we're not exactly done with discipline here. He'll probably do it again. He'll probably come up with other ways to disobey.
My plan is to consistently reinforce the boundaries. The better his Daddy and I do now in his early months, the easier things will be when he turns 2 and really starts to test the limits.
RESOURCES
The Little Boy Book: A Guide to the First Eight Years
Boundaries with Kids
2009-12-09
Being Real
A pregnant woman is a little like the velveteen rabbit in the toy store. There's a sparkle about her. Her baby will be adorable. She'll know just how to soothe away his cries. He'll be easily potty trained. He'll grow into a well behaved little boy that everyone will love.
Then, the baby comes and the process of becoming real begins. He cries. It's her job to help him stop. He's hungry or needs a new diaper. Again, her job. I never knew dinner time could come around so quickly as when I had a newborn. There were so many little things that were now my job, and time just flew!
As my son has grown, the opportunities for me to sacrifice and grow have multiplied. Slowly but surely, I'm becoming something better than sparkly (which surprisingly, is not even a word anyway!). I'm becoming real. It's easy to think you're a "good person" when not much is asked of you. Now I routinely have the opportunity to give up what I want for the sake of someone else. I don't always like it. But I grow because of it. Every sacrifice, from the career that gave me accolades and a paycheck to the meal eaten in peace, represents a step on the road to maturity.
Since becoming a mother, I have come to appreciate those who've gone before me in a new way. I think of the sacrifices that I sometimes struggle to make for my husband and baby and of how many more will come as our family grows, and I'm thankful for my sister, my mother, my mother-in-law and my grandmother. I see the ladies in the nursing home differently. They've walked this road ahead of me. They gave up their sparkle and selfish satisfaction in favor of serving their families.
I thank the Lord for the joy found in the everyday sacrifices. I don't just have to change a diaper, I get to watch my son learn to crawl and eat and speak and obey. Being a mom is hard work, but so valuable. It is of great value to my family, but it is more than that. It is the road God has marked out for my sanctification.
RESOURCES
The Velveteen Mommy
Then, the baby comes and the process of becoming real begins. He cries. It's her job to help him stop. He's hungry or needs a new diaper. Again, her job. I never knew dinner time could come around so quickly as when I had a newborn. There were so many little things that were now my job, and time just flew!
As my son has grown, the opportunities for me to sacrifice and grow have multiplied. Slowly but surely, I'm becoming something better than sparkly (which surprisingly, is not even a word anyway!). I'm becoming real. It's easy to think you're a "good person" when not much is asked of you. Now I routinely have the opportunity to give up what I want for the sake of someone else. I don't always like it. But I grow because of it. Every sacrifice, from the career that gave me accolades and a paycheck to the meal eaten in peace, represents a step on the road to maturity.
Since becoming a mother, I have come to appreciate those who've gone before me in a new way. I think of the sacrifices that I sometimes struggle to make for my husband and baby and of how many more will come as our family grows, and I'm thankful for my sister, my mother, my mother-in-law and my grandmother. I see the ladies in the nursing home differently. They've walked this road ahead of me. They gave up their sparkle and selfish satisfaction in favor of serving their families.
I thank the Lord for the joy found in the everyday sacrifices. I don't just have to change a diaper, I get to watch my son learn to crawl and eat and speak and obey. Being a mom is hard work, but so valuable. It is of great value to my family, but it is more than that. It is the road God has marked out for my sanctification.
RESOURCES
The Velveteen Mommy
2009-12-08
Sample Baby Schedules
Whether you're loose or strict about the routine in Baby's day, it is helpful to have some idea of what comes next. It helps the new Mommy decipher Baby's cries and gives Baby security to know what comes next. It also gives Baby a foundation into which he can assimilate new discoveries about life. Mom has the ability to plan her errands at a time when Baby will be happy and can look forward to regular naps for her own down time.
Here is our our son's schedule has looked at different ages:
Home from the hospital
We followed a 3 hour schedule from the get-go. That's what they do for babies in the NICU for even the tiny babies with tiny tummies so I felt sure he would get enough to eat. Our son was so sleepy, I woke him up to feed him almost every time.
- 6am-wake, nurse
- 6:40am-nap
- 9am-nurse
- 10am-nap
- 12pm-nurse
- 1pm-nap
- 3pm-nurse
- 4pm-nap
- 6pm-nurse
- 7pm-bedtime
- 9pm-nurse (dreamfeed: low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
- 12am-nurse (low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
- 3am-nurse (low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
The "by the book" way to do this is to simply let baby sleep as long as he will after the 9pm dreamfeed. We found that our son would still wake up twice at night if we did that. Instead, I woke him again at midnight and then he slept until morning (or very close to it).
- 7pm-bedtime
- 9pm-nurse (dreamfeed: low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
- 12am-nurse (low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
- 5-6am-wake, nurse
- 1 hour later-nap until 9am
Once our son began to sleep until 6am solidly from his 12am feeding, I began to move it earlier by 15 minute increments and dropped it over the course of a few weeks.
- 7pm-bedtime
- 10/10:30pm - nurse (dreamfeed: low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
- 6am-wake, nurse
The next goal was a longer time between feedings during the day. When I began consistently having to wake our son from his daytime naps to feed him, I knew it was time to stretch out the day. This overlapped with dropping the one middle-of-the-night feeding from the last phase as well. During this phase, afternoon and evening wake times began to stretch a little as well. 4 months is a time of transition!
- 6am-wake, nurse
- 7am-nap
- 9:30am-nurse
- 10:30am-nap
- 1pm-nurse
- 2:15pm-nap
- 4:30pm-nurse
- 5:45pm-nap
- 7:30pm-nurse
- 8:15-bedtime
- 10:30-dreamfeed
This is another time of great transition. Wake times moved to 2 hours each. The two afternoon feedings (1pm and 4:30pm) were combined for dinner, lunch (9:30am) moved back, and we dropped the dreamfeed. Also, with the three main meals of the day, we began solids. When it was all said and done, a rather more solid schedule was formed:
- 7am-wake, nurse (breakfast)
- 9am-nap
- 11am-nurse (lunch)
- 1pm-nap
- 3pm-nurse
- 5:15pm-catnap
- 6:00pm-dinner (solids only)
- 7:00pm-nurse/bedtime
So now we have only thee naps (sometimes two if the first two are really long) and nighttime sleep is a solid 12 hours. Although every day doesn't got exactly according to plan and there have been issues to work through at every step, I have really appreciated knowing what to work towards. Both my son and I have thrived on our schedule.
RESOURCES
On Becoming Babywise
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer
2009-12-07
Big Stander
David's new thing is standing up while holding on to things... for kind of a while! He's thinking about crawling more all the time, but not there yet. My little baby's growing up! Doesn't he look big here?
His and Hers Parenting
When two people marry, they bring their distinct backgrounds, traditions, and ideas of "normal" together. In marriage, however, "the two shall become one."
The molding of our separate selves into a cohesive couple has been fodder for many an interesting conversation in our house. Where will we spend Christmas? How much will we spend? Which church will we attend? How will we educate our children? There are so many instances in which two opinions must somehow come together because we can only make one decision.
But what about parenting? Do we have to agree on how to order our son's day? How about what he eats? What about discipline? Inconsistency would confuse him, right?
Not exactly. Mr. Rogers says in Many Ways to Say I Love You
that "Consistency is helpful and even necessary for children's healthy emotional growth, but the consistency I mean is each parent's separate consistency."
Even babies can tell the difference between Mommy-play and Daddy-play. Even as a young baby, our son would smile and wave his arms and coo at Dad to ask for a wild ride through the air and kisses on his tummy. He shrieks and laughs when Daddy plays with him. But when he's tired or mildly overwhelmed by a room full of people, he has a strong preference for Mommy's comforting arms. When he plays with Mom, he "talks" more and squeals less. He's no dummy; he can tell the difference between Mommy and Daddy.
When I taught Jr. High and High School Spanish, I noticed that different teachers often had very different experiences with a particular student. If one teacher was lenient with a strong-willed student, his behavior would be poor in that class. Another teacher, who enforced consistent discipline would not have the same problem (after some initial testing of boundaries). Each authority figure gets the amount of good behavior they enforce from a child.
Now this isn't to say that parent's don't need to agree about some things. It's helpful for a child to have some constants in life... but it's OK if Dad does things a little differently. As with so many "two become one" conversations my husband and I have had in our marriage, this one will be ongoing. It's wonderful to see how, over time, our separate opinions come together anyway.
RESOURCES
Many Ways to Say I Love You: Wisdom for Parents and Children from Mister Rogers
The molding of our separate selves into a cohesive couple has been fodder for many an interesting conversation in our house. Where will we spend Christmas? How much will we spend? Which church will we attend? How will we educate our children? There are so many instances in which two opinions must somehow come together because we can only make one decision.
But what about parenting? Do we have to agree on how to order our son's day? How about what he eats? What about discipline? Inconsistency would confuse him, right?
Not exactly. Mr. Rogers says in Many Ways to Say I Love You
that "Consistency is helpful and even necessary for children's healthy emotional growth, but the consistency I mean is each parent's separate consistency." Even babies can tell the difference between Mommy-play and Daddy-play. Even as a young baby, our son would smile and wave his arms and coo at Dad to ask for a wild ride through the air and kisses on his tummy. He shrieks and laughs when Daddy plays with him. But when he's tired or mildly overwhelmed by a room full of people, he has a strong preference for Mommy's comforting arms. When he plays with Mom, he "talks" more and squeals less. He's no dummy; he can tell the difference between Mommy and Daddy.
When I taught Jr. High and High School Spanish, I noticed that different teachers often had very different experiences with a particular student. If one teacher was lenient with a strong-willed student, his behavior would be poor in that class. Another teacher, who enforced consistent discipline would not have the same problem (after some initial testing of boundaries). Each authority figure gets the amount of good behavior they enforce from a child.
Now this isn't to say that parent's don't need to agree about some things. It's helpful for a child to have some constants in life... but it's OK if Dad does things a little differently. As with so many "two become one" conversations my husband and I have had in our marriage, this one will be ongoing. It's wonderful to see how, over time, our separate opinions come together anyway.
RESOURCES
Many Ways to Say I Love You: Wisdom for Parents and Children from Mister Rogers
2009-12-03
Child's Play
Maybe you'll find that, by watching a child at play, you'll tap into some of the playfulness inside you - remembering your own childhood and discovering new things about yourself.
- Mister Rogers
I remember when my older sister and I took her baby girl to the park a few years ago. I wasn't a mom yet and I've got to tell you, I was jealous. We had so much fun sliding and swinging and playing with her little baby girl. She got to hang out with that little person every day! Parents get to 'play kid' again. What fun!
And yet, now that I have my own adorable, fun 9-month-old baby boy, there's laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands, discipline... lots of things to keep me from play.
Oh, but Junior longs for Mom to get down on the floor with him. He loves to explore with me by his side. I love when we're reading and he sees something interesting on the page and looks up at me with questions in his eyes, "What is that, Mommy?" Or when he gets excited and bouncy just because I came to sit beside him while he studies his toys.
Playing with my son helps him to bond with me, but it does more than that. It gives me sweet memories with him that help me bond with him. Playing with my son (and my nieces) is a wonderful time to be goofy and fun and enjoy childhood again. It's a refreshing break from all that laundry, cleaning and errands.
RESOURCES
- Mister Rogers
I remember when my older sister and I took her baby girl to the park a few years ago. I wasn't a mom yet and I've got to tell you, I was jealous. We had so much fun sliding and swinging and playing with her little baby girl. She got to hang out with that little person every day! Parents get to 'play kid' again. What fun!
And yet, now that I have my own adorable, fun 9-month-old baby boy, there's laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands, discipline... lots of things to keep me from play.
Oh, but Junior longs for Mom to get down on the floor with him. He loves to explore with me by his side. I love when we're reading and he sees something interesting on the page and looks up at me with questions in his eyes, "What is that, Mommy?" Or when he gets excited and bouncy just because I came to sit beside him while he studies his toys.
Playing with my son helps him to bond with me, but it does more than that. It gives me sweet memories with him that help me bond with him. Playing with my son (and my nieces) is a wonderful time to be goofy and fun and enjoy childhood again. It's a refreshing break from all that laundry, cleaning and errands.
RESOURCES
2009-12-02
Fun Marriage
I remember the days when our wedding was approaching. I was so looking forward to the fun we would have being married and spending our days together. Dating was so exciting and adventure filled, surely marriage would be more (and better) of the same.
But regular life has a way of becoming routine. Between bringing home the bacon and getting that bacon on
the table and all the other tasks of running our household (now with a baby son) together, sometimes fun gets lost in the shuffle.
Then came the Friday after Thanksgiving. We decided to join the (surprising number of) crazy shoppers who wake up early and line up at the stores before they open at 5AM. Thanks to a wonderful father-in-law who came ridiculously early in the morning to babysit and sleep on our couch while we shopped, we had a really memorable (and tiring) morning.
In his book Mom's Needs, Dad's Needs, Dr. Harley reminds parents that they need more than just face-to-face time together. They also need side-by-side time together sharing "recreational companionship." This is actually Dad's #2 need from his wife (#1 being sex). I'm so glad we revitalized our marriage by bringing some fun into it at the crack of dawn. We got some good deals and made a big dent in Christmas shopping too!
RESOURCES
Moms Needs, Dads Needs
2009-11-30
I'm Thankful for...
We started off with a Thanksgiving breakfast at our house. David and his Grandpa were chipper and happy. (Some others were still waking up...)
Then on Saturday, we had the Giffords over for a second Thanksgiving. It was a bustling house with two babies and two toddlers (and lots of food preperations!) but it was a lot of fun.
The Ulrich girls all had matching flower outfits. Aren't they cute? The goal was to have everybody looking, but at least Sierra and I are!
And here's grandpa doing some baby duty:
When Momma's Happy...
Ahh... everybody's happy.
As the heart of her home, Mom is the emotional center. Whether they know it or not, others in the house take their emotional cues from Mom.
There is a particularly strong emotional link between Mom and Baby. Studies have shown that babies of mothers with postpartum depression don't smile or coo as much as other babies. A calm mom is much better able to calm her baby, and a frazzled mom is likely to
stress Baby out.
I have found that I need to watch myself when big events come. Being a planner, I tend to worry about when, where, and how much our son will sleep. I worry during my sister's wedding, when a weekend away approaches, or as I plan a holiday celebration. Our son tends to pick up on my agitation and his naps are poor before the event. I have been better able to relax during the event itself and he does remarkably well with his sleep and attitude in general while things are going on.
With a baby, motherly worry seems to be a self-fufilling prophecy. Sometimes there are circumstances that make it tougher for Baby to get his naps and be cheerful, but Mom's worry only makes that worse. Social events can be a joy when we relax and enjoy them!
RESOURCES
Babywise
2009-11-25
Sleeping Away from Home
Depending on the kind of parent you are, Baby may be quite accustomed to taking naps away from home. I'm not much of a gad-about so this doesn't happen a lot for my son. He usually does well when we're at Grandma's or in a hotel, though. When the holidays come, Baby's naps will almost assuredly have to be a little flexible. So if he isn't used to it, here are some tips that can help.
*Darken the room: There will be lots of new things to look at so the less Baby can see them the better. At my mom's house, our son sleeps in their pitch black walk in closet and takes better naps than at home.
*White noise: You can turn on a fan, tune the radio to static, or buy a white noise machine. I have found this to be a great help when Baby needs to nap in a noisy house (ours or someone else's).
*bBlankets draped over the crib: Draping blankets from home over the sides of the crib can help Baby feel safe. It also contributes to darkness and blocks the distraction of looking around the room.
*Wind down away from people: In a crowded house, a baby can get kind of wound up with all the stimulation. Ten or 15 minutes before bedtime in a room alone with Mom can go a long way towards helping Baby wind down for sleep. I find that if I don't do this with our son, he has a hard time getting to sleep.
*Relax: Don't expect things to go perfectly for Baby. They probably won't and it's better to enjoy the holiday anyway. Naps might be shorter, interruptions are likely, and it can be hard to convince Aunt Sue that the Baby really does need a nap. Do the best you can and get back to the routine when you get home.
RESOURCES
On the Go with Baby
Babywise
2009-11-24
Teaching Thankfulness
"Please" and "Thank You" from a child are music to Mother's ears. How can you make those melodic phrases frequent in you child's speech? By focusing on them while Baby is learning language in the first place!Here's how we do it:
*Before each meal, we say grace. This means that our 8 month old must hold Mommy and Daddy's hands without squirming while we thank God for the food. We began around 7 months, but probably should have begun when we started solids at 5.5 months. I just didn't think of it then. The first few times we did this there were protests, but after a week of squirming, our son now willingly pauses before the meal. I doubt he fully understands, but we are training
a habit of the heart.
a habit of the heart.
*When I see he wants something, I often say "Another cheerio (or whatever it is), please?" before giving it to him and "Thank you, Mommy" after. Babywise II suggests doing this because as he becomes used to hearing these phrases, he will imitate them and politeness will become second nature to him.
I love the phrase that Babywise II uses, "Train, don't retrain." The idea is to consciously encourage positive behavior rather than allowing a negative habit to develop that you'll have to work harder to counter later. Hopefully all my "please" and "thank you" will reap rewards when Junior learns to talk.
RESOURCES
BabyWise II
2009-11-22
Swimming Up Stream
Being a good parent is a big job. There is food to put on the table, clothing to provide, intellectual development to steward, character to train, safety to guard, naps to orchestrate, potty training... the list could go on.
Being a parent is a high calling. More and more, however, parents are laboring without the support of society in the moral aspect of
their job (Bringing up Boys p 202).
their job (Bringing up Boys p 202).
Consider the television. My parents grew up with limited access to TV, but the shows that were available supported traditional family values. Father knew best. Now television watching abounds and the TV parents "just don't get it." Violence and sexuality on TV rob our children of their innocence and undermine any parental moral training they've received.
So what's a counter-cultural parent to do? Certainly the growing homeschooling movement indicates that parents are seeking to shield their children from the negative aspects of our culture. Yet we can't keep our kids away from life all together. How can we be "in the world but not of it"?
I think the answer lies in being there for our kids to explain the sin they see. We cannot completely control their world. They will see greed and anger and pride even in their own home. The important part is to explain that people sometimes make wrong choices. Thankfully, that can lead to the discussion of God's grace on those of us who admit our sin and choose to accept His forgiveness and turn from our wickedness.
RESOURCES
Bringing Up Boys
Going Public
photo
2009-11-21
Visiting Saint Louis
David and I drove down to visit my parents a few weeks ago and got to spend some quality time with Grandma and Grandpa Gifford. Here are some pictures from their snazzy camera.
Mom and I took David to the Butterfly house down there. It was really neat. It's a greenhouse that's 85 degrees and very humid just filled with butterflies. I learned a lot and David was entranced by the butterflies.
This is right outside the butterfly habitat. David and Grandma had fun playing on the giant caterpillar and eating Cheerios.
Then he had to get a bath in their sink. He thought the soap was pretty cool until he had to get scrubbed with it :)
And then he had some quality time with Grandpa.
All in all, a good visit. If only David would nap in the car better...
2009-11-20
Thankful for the Moment
What was the sweetest moment you had with your baby today? Mine was cuddling on the couch before nap time. We have this stuffed lamb that plays a lullaby when you wind it up and he is just fascinated with the crank. When it moves it makes music. Amazing. He sat on my lap playing with that for the longest time while I just soaked in the moment.
I have a bent for perfection: perfect meals, perfect napping schedule, perfectly clean house etc. This is not all a bad thing. Our son has a well ordered day and I know my husband appreciates the meals and clean house. But it can be a bad thing if taken to an extreme. If I'm not careful, I can spend too much time organizing, monitoring, and cooking and forget to treasure up these days in my heart.
I won't come by this way again. My son is well on his way to independence. He won't always be content to snuggle on my lap. Some day he'll be embarrassed by Mommy-kisses. Even now (he's only 8.5 months old), I look back at the pictures from when he was first born and marvel at that tiny little bundle. How he's changed!
I was reminded as I made my Thanksgiving grocery list to be thankful for the moments God has given me today. A lazy morning on my husband's day off, helping him make pancakes this morning, watching our son wake up from his nap, listening to a young father and his baby laugh. These are precious moments.
2009-11-19
Parenting Paradigms
Most parents tend toward one end or the other of a continum that has Babywise on one end and Attachment Parenting on the other. There can be problems with either of these paradigms if taken to the extreme.
Attachment Parenting suggests that babies needs should be catered to as immediately as possible. If carried on beyond infancy, parents find that placing a child's happiness as their ultimate goal disrupts the family. It creates selfish children who are ill equipped to manage in the real world simply because it does not revolve around them. It also leaves Mommy and Daddy little time or energy for being Husband and Wife. This is not good for family harmony.
On the other end of the spectrum, strict schedulers find themselves attempting to control their child's eating and sleeping and playtime all the time. Striving for the unattainable perfect schedule stresses Mom, Dad and Baby. It also puts a lot of pressure on Junior to achieve, beginning with sleeping through the night at 8 weeks and continuing on to social and intellectual achievements throughout childhood.
As parents, we cannot control our children all the time. We can't make their happiness or success our ultimate goal. The center of the family ought to be the spousal relationship, not the parental one. Children need the security that comes from Mom and Dad's stable relationship. They also need the freedom that comes from not having all the focus on them. Childhood is a time to try lots of things and make mistakes and grow. When parents hover too much over their children, we rob them of the best things about childhood.
It's OK if Junior doesn't have exactly 45 minutes of Independent Playtime today. It's also OK if the he cries a little. "Good enough" is actually better than "Perfect."
RESOURCES
Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box
2009-11-18
Perfection
Have you ever had a perfect day with Baby? They are glorious, rare things. The naps are long, playtimes are perfect, and appetites are good to the last bite. As new mom, I have stressed about the normal imperfection in my Baby's day more than I'd really care to admit. "He only eats two bites," "He took forever to fall asleep," or "He didn't like the walk" are just a few of the million little things that can throw off my pursuit of the perfect day.
I love Ann Dunnewold's discussion being "perfectly good" as in "those are still perfectly good shoes." It's not just "good enough" but "perfectly good." It doesn't feel like giving up, but doesn't smack of obsessiveness either. I can be content with a B+ day. And I need to be.
How to Behave, so your Children Will Too! points out that babies and young toddlers are really only capable of 60% obedience when they begin to understand obedience at all. With training, they can improve, but rare will be the days of 100% perfection. Kids (and parents) don't lend themselves to perfection. They will misbehave, cry, and make mistakes.
If I can accept that parenting is hard work and won't always look perfect, I can have a much happier life and be a much more balanced mom. I intend to continue with the hard work of instilling values in my children and giving them structure in which to thrive, but I also need to relax in the knowledge that perfection is reserved for God alone.
I love Ann Dunnewold's discussion being "perfectly good" as in "those are still perfectly good shoes." It's not just "good enough" but "perfectly good." It doesn't feel like giving up, but doesn't smack of obsessiveness either. I can be content with a B+ day. And I need to be.
How to Behave, so your Children Will Too! points out that babies and young toddlers are really only capable of 60% obedience when they begin to understand obedience at all. With training, they can improve, but rare will be the days of 100% perfection. Kids (and parents) don't lend themselves to perfection. They will misbehave, cry, and make mistakes.
If I can accept that parenting is hard work and won't always look perfect, I can have a much happier life and be a much more balanced mom. I intend to continue with the hard work of instilling values in my children and giving them structure in which to thrive, but I also need to relax in the knowledge that perfection is reserved for God alone.
2009-11-17
Cooking for Baby
I love to cook! I try a new recipe every week or so. I take great joy in watching my husband enjoy a meal I've prepared. Now that our 8-month-old son is becoming a more adept eater, I am having fun trying out new baby-friendly foods too. Here are some of my favorites:
*Homemade pureed babyfood: Most any vegetable or fruit can be cooked and then either mashed with a fork or pureed in the blender. Fill up an ice cube tray with the puree and no more buying jars of baby food. I usually look up the veggies I'm planning to puree first to make sure they're OK for my baby at his age.
*No-Sugar-Added Applesauce: You don't have to buy special 'baby applesauce,' just get the kind with no sugar added and you've got a great side for the rest of the family too. I also find it helpful to mix some applesauce in with new foods so he'll eat them and get familiar with the taste. Then he enjoys them without the applesauce later.
*Oatmeal Deluxe: Our son can now handle more textured food like real cooked oatmeal rather than the baby flakes. I mix some mashed banana and plain yogurt when I cook it up, and we both have it for breakfast. Yummy!
*Spices: I was excited to discover that now at 8 months, we can start to introduce cinnamon, nutmeg, garlic, lemon zest, mint, and even curry.
*Cooked veggie pieces: Our son really enjoys the texture of pieces of cooked green bean and whole peas. They're easy to serve in pieces too. I have had issues with hands in the mouth since introducing finger foods, so I am putting the pieces in his mouth for him still.
*Cheerios: This is a great favorite with our son. I usually give him some with every meal. He's never been a big fan of baby cereal so it's a great way to get some grains in him. This is also so easy to bring along as a snack when we're on the run.
As our son grows, he'll be able to share in more of our family meals, but in the meantime, I like making fun baby food for him.
RESOURCES
Naturally Healthy First Foods for Baby2009-11-15
Sleep Tight
As a child, I loved being tucked into bed. Hugs, kisses, stories, singing, and then those blankets tucked next to me. It was a sweet tangible reminder of the security that came from my parents' love and care. Bedtime is now one of my favorite Mommy times with my 8 month old son. His Daddy and I sing and rock and pray and then "tuck him in" for the night.
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer
When he was a newborn, the nurses at the hospital taught us how to swaddle him. We found that he was greatly comforted in those early weeks by being tightly wrapped. He was used to the confined quarters of the womb and it just felt natural. Sometime even when it wasn't sleepy-time, swaddling him helped to calm him. It's the most extreme example of how boundaries create security in children.
As he grew, however, he seemed more interested in getting his fingers into his mouth than being securely wrapped. We began to swaddle him under his arms when he became too adept at getting unwrapped (4-6 months). I still liked wrapping him up because it sends the message of "It's bedtime" clearly, and I love the cozy associations from my own childhood.
Then around 7 months, I was given a Halo Sleep Sack. It was a nice transition from the swaddle since he could then roll out of his blankets and during the fall and winter it's too cold for him to sleep without them. I think having a special sleep blanket (or sleep sack) still sends the "bedtime" message pretty well.
. It was a nice transition from the swaddle since he could then roll out of his blankets and during the fall and winter it's too cold for him to sleep without them. I think having a special sleep blanket (or sleep sack) still sends the "bedtime" message pretty well.I don't think there's any reason to rush Baby to grow up and out of his swaddle, but when it's time to move on, simply let it go. The transition out of swaddling was an easy one for us. When Junior gets big enough to have sheets and blankets like a big boy, we'll see if he likes being "tucked in" as much as I did.
RESOURCES
Halo Sleep SackSecrets of the Baby Whisperer
Sitting Pretty .... er, Handsome
2009-11-13
Actions Speak Louder
What are your bad habits? Come on, you know you've got some. Watching movies, eating junk food, getting angry with the slow driver ahead of me, occasionally arguing with my husband, obsessively cleaning... Now that I've got a baby, all those habits are being carefully studied. Along with everything good I'm trying to teach our son, he's learning from my habits, good and bad.
I noticed it just lately -- he is fascinated by the computer and my cell phone. He is making mental notes while I chat with my mother. He's curious what I'm reading and cooking. He is developing his idea of "normal behavior" that will stick with him the rest of his life. Children learn from what we say, but so much more from what we do.
"Oh, Lord, make me better than I am!" This was our staff prayer the first year I taught at the Christian school in town. How much more I need it now! It is a divine mystery how my effort and God's grace work together to bring me to spiritual maturity, making me better than I am. My example is instructive for my son, so I pray and strive to make it an example worthy to be followed.
RESOURCES
How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too!
2009-11-12
Cheerios and Consistency
My 8 month old scientist is fascinated by Cheerios. The dexterity required to pick them up, get them to his mouth, and let them go is new and exciting. His Daddy and I think it's fun to watch him work on these new skills with his cutely wrinkled little brow.
We had been cheering him in his new endeavor for a few weeks (we started them around 7 months) when we began to notice a disturbing change in his eating behavior. He has grown increasingly interested in exploring how food feels in his mouth with his fingers, whether pureed food or finger food. What's a new parent to do?
How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too!
We began by looking at things from his point of view. Sometimes we cheer him for getting his hands (and the accompanying Cheerio) in his mouth and other times we look displeased and pull it out with a "hands out!". Why is that behavior sometimes OK and sometimes not? He hasn't seemed to figure that out yet.
So, cute as it is to watch him work on getting that Cheerio into his mouth, we've revoked the privilege. We're working on consistently reinforcing the "hands out" during feeding rule. When we think he can understand the concept of "hands out" when being fed, but not when feeding himself, we'll try again with Cheerios.
After just one meal of no Cheerios and lots of focus on the hands ("hands out" whenever they went in and "good job" for every bite they stayed out), he is doing much better. This is a simple discipline case, but thankfully a baby's world begins simply. If we lay a consistent foundation of rules and obedience now, it will make for easier toddler months and teenage years down the road.
RESOURCES
BabyWise IIHow to Behave So Your Children Will, Too!
2009-11-11
Play for the Older Baby (7-9 mo)
As a newborn, our son slept a LOT. When he was awake, he was content to study the ceiling fan and easily overstimulated. By 7 months, however, an active and alert baby had revealed himself. He can stay awake longer, eats solid food, and is mobile (somewhat).
What's a Momma to do with these longer playtimes? Baby Talk
has some great suggestions for play that helps stimulate language development and doesn't require fancy toys:
*Beginning Hide-And-Seek: Put a towel over baby's head and say "Where's Baby?" Then pull it off with "There he is!" Then put the towel over your head and say "Where'd Momma go?" See if he'll pull the towel off you. This is a great version of peek-a-boo. As Baby gains more physical control, he'll enjoy more action in the game.
*Copy Cat: Games like "Patty Cake" have been around a long time because they delight babies this age. Start by singing the "Patty Cake" song and doing the motions yourself. Then help Baby imitate them. Try again doing the motions yourself and see if he can follow along.
*Name Calling: While Junior is playing by himself, call his name and smile when he looks at you. Then move behind him and try again. This helps reinforce what his name is. Also, refer to yourself or Daddy or siblings with their names when possible rather than "I", "he" or "they." Baby can't understand pronouns yet, but he can learn names.
*Block Banging: Baby is just learning how to hold one toy in each hand. Try banging two blocks together saying "boom boom" to show him how. Then give him two blocks to pick up. See if he can get one in each hand to imitate. My son still drops one toy to pick up another, but he enjoys banging our wood floor (even with just a hand) to hear the noise it makes.
*Foot Up: Encourage Baby to help while you're dressing him by saying "foot up" before putting on socks. If he doesn't respond on his own, do it for him. Before long, he'll know how to help.
*I'm Gonna Get Your __________: This is a great way to get Baby to learn his body parts. Pick two or three and say "I'm gonna get your toes!" before tickling them. If you stick with just a few parts at a time, you're reinforcing those more often so he's more likely to understand.
It's amazing how quickly he's growing and developing. Even now, his babbling begins to sound like his native tongue. A Chinese baby's babbles will sound Chinese and an American baby's babbles will sound like English. Before long, he'll be speaking in real words! What fun to help him get there!
RESOURCES
Baby Talk
What's a Momma to do with these longer playtimes? Baby Talk
has some great suggestions for play that helps stimulate language development and doesn't require fancy toys:*Beginning Hide-And-Seek: Put a towel over baby's head and say "Where's Baby?" Then pull it off with "There he is!" Then put the towel over your head and say "Where'd Momma go?" See if he'll pull the towel off you. This is a great version of peek-a-boo. As Baby gains more physical control, he'll enjoy more action in the game.
*Copy Cat: Games like "Patty Cake" have been around a long time because they delight babies this age. Start by singing the "Patty Cake" song and doing the motions yourself. Then help Baby imitate them. Try again doing the motions yourself and see if he can follow along.
*Name Calling: While Junior is playing by himself, call his name and smile when he looks at you. Then move behind him and try again. This helps reinforce what his name is. Also, refer to yourself or Daddy or siblings with their names when possible rather than "I", "he" or "they." Baby can't understand pronouns yet, but he can learn names.
*Block Banging: Baby is just learning how to hold one toy in each hand. Try banging two blocks together saying "boom boom" to show him how. Then give him two blocks to pick up. See if he can get one in each hand to imitate. My son still drops one toy to pick up another, but he enjoys banging our wood floor (even with just a hand) to hear the noise it makes.
*Foot Up: Encourage Baby to help while you're dressing him by saying "foot up" before putting on socks. If he doesn't respond on his own, do it for him. Before long, he'll know how to help.
*I'm Gonna Get Your __________: This is a great way to get Baby to learn his body parts. Pick two or three and say "I'm gonna get your toes!" before tickling them. If you stick with just a few parts at a time, you're reinforcing those more often so he's more likely to understand.
It's amazing how quickly he's growing and developing. Even now, his babbling begins to sound like his native tongue. A Chinese baby's babbles will sound Chinese and an American baby's babbles will sound like English. Before long, he'll be speaking in real words! What fun to help him get there!
RESOURCES
Baby Talk
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