Parenting Paradigms

Most parents tend toward one end or the other of a continum that has Babywise on one end and Attachment Parenting on the other. There can be problems with either of these paradigms if taken to the extreme.

Attachment Parenting suggests that babies needs should be catered to as immediately as possible. If carried on beyond infancy, parents find that placing a child's happiness as their ultimate goal disrupts the family. It creates selfish children who are ill equipped to manage in the real world simply because it does not revolve around them. It also leaves Mommy and Daddy little time or energy for being Husband and Wife. This is not good for family harmony.

On the other end of the spectrum, strict schedulers find themselves attempting to control their child's eating and sleeping and playtime all the time. Striving for the unattainable perfect schedule stresses Mom, Dad and Baby. It also puts a lot of pressure on Junior to achieve, beginning with sleeping through the night at 8 weeks and continuing on to social and intellectual achievements throughout childhood.

As parents, we cannot control our children all the time. We can't make their happiness or success our ultimate goal. The center of the family ought to be the spousal relationship, not the parental one. Children need the security that comes from Mom and Dad's stable relationship. They also need the freedom that comes from not having all the focus on them. Childhood is a time to try lots of things and make mistakes and grow. When parents hover too much over their children, we rob them of the best things about childhood.

It's OK if Junior doesn't have exactly 45 minutes of Independent Playtime today. It's also OK if the he cries a little. "Good enough" is actually better than "Perfect."

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Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box