Look!

It can be very tempting, in the midst of your current parenting challenges, to forget to stop and take a look around. So here's a reminder: Stop and ....

1. Look behind: OK, I have a confession. I'm a perfectionist. And, well, as a mom, that means I almost always have a "pet project of perfection." That also can morph into my "pet stressor." I tend to think "If I could just get him to __________ (nap perfectly / always obey / master the potty etc.), life would be great." That leaves me feeling a little like a failure most of the time, which is a shame because I get a lot of things right! It can be good for me to look back and remember how I helped him learn to drink from a bottle, sleep through the night, leave electrical cords alone, and keep his finger food on the highchair tray. Looking back can be very encouraging!

Another kind of looking back that I love is watching my little sister and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law navigating the newlywed, engagement, and dating phases of life. It is fun to watch their excitement and remember when my husband and I were there. New love is a sweet thing. So is the mature love that we're growing into, but sometimes parenting can get in the way of that. There is a temptation to turn my attention from husband to baby. He's the 'new thing' now. He's cuddly and cute. But, oh, remember when my husband was the 'new thing'! His kindness and great personality and history and dreams and accomplishments were so fun to discover.... and they're still there! I actually get to enjoy them a lot more now, so long as I remember to take the opportunity!

2. Look Around: When I look back in the photo album, it also reminds me how fleeting the days of parenting are. The changes are big and constant and there's no rewind button. I try to make time for playing with my son down on the floor at his level. He is my little buddy, and I love it! He is cheerful, active, curious, mechanical, and just plain fun! While the housework does need to be done, and I do have "learning goals" like Independent Playtime, Reading time, and Blanket time for him each day, I don't want to be so goal oriented that I forget to enjoy him. One of the great things about having a kid is that you get to resurrect your own inner child... and I would hate to miss out on the fun!

3. Look Ahead: I have been blessed so many times by my older sister. She's always been just a little ahead of me in life, and I benefit so much from watching her navigate the challenges that are headed my way. She's got three kids: a baby, a toddler, and a preschooler. With my son just on the verge of toddling (13 months), it is great to watch how she handles her older girls. What does she expect from them? How does she enforce discipline? How does mealtime work with that many little ones? How do you do nap time when there are two in the same room? How does she keep her own energy up with so many demands? When does the housework get done? These are all questions I've seen the answers to without even having to ask (and I'm not sure I would have thought of them all anyway) just by stopping by to help out and play and live life together once in a while. If you have friends or family with older children, take advantage!

It can also be great to talk with my mom or mother-in-law, or even my grandma about how they did things. There is so much wisdom there! A lot of people have been where I am, so there's no reason to re-invent the wheel. While books and magazines do have some good suggestions, parenting isn't exactly a new thing. I turned out pretty well and enjoyed my childhood. I think my husband and parents turned out pretty well too. It's great to glean the hard-earned wisdom of those who've been there. Plus, it's a great way to value and respect my elders! I think they like to be asked.

Photo originally uploaded by Photos8.com
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One-Year-Old Routine

That first birthday is a big milestone!  It marks the end of babyhood, and the beginning of all things toddler.  After returning from a week away with my husband to our son's first birthday, I am very aware of the transition.  Junior is growing up!

 

In preperation ntr this new phase, I am reading Toddlerwise, which has some great suggestions for how to build a schedule for your one-year-old that will help him navigate these changes.  The authors suggest beginning by making a list of your goals for your child.  Then write out the fixed things in the day, like meals and naps, and fill in the rest of the schedule with activities that will allow Junior a chance to grow toward those goals.

 

I found the practice of writing all this out very helpful.  As Toddlerwise points out, it is preferable for parents to direct a toddler's day, teaching and guiding his curiosity, giving him a framework into which he can assimilate new knowledge.  The other alternative is to allow his little hands complete freedom of self direction and then chasing afterwards to pick up the messes.  Proactively planning out Junior's day will hopefully reduce some of the chaos and conflict of life with a toddler.  Sounds good for our son's developing mind and for Mommy's nerves.

 

Surely every family will have different goals and needs, but here's what I came up with for my little guy as a sample:

 

• 7:00am - Wake, Potty time, Bath (every other day), Sippy cup of milk, Breakfast
• 8:00am - Independent Play
• 8:45am - Free Play with Mom (Junior chooses the activity we play together, but we don't wander from activity to activity)
• 9:00am - Potty time, Book
• 9:15am - Naptime
• 11:00am - Wake, Sippy cup of milk, Potty time, Lunch
• 12:00pm - Structured Playtime (Mom picks the activity - right now we're working on sitting to play on a blanket for the first 5 minutes to develop focus and obedience then the rest of the time is more active play)
• 12:30pm - Outside Time / Walk / Visits / Errands (This segment really varies depending on the day and what I want to accomplish)
• 1:15pm - Potty time, Book
• 1:30pm - Naptime
• 3:30pm - Wake, Sippy cup of milk, Potty time
• 4:00pm - Structured Playtime with Mom (This is usually a learning activity at his little table like puzzles or helping him look at books)
• 4:15pm - Couch Time for Mom and Dad (When Dad gets home, he greats our son and then he has free play in the same room with us while we catch up on the day.  He doesn't get our attention until we're done talking)
• 4:30pm - Daddy Time (While Mommy finishes up dinner)
• 5:00pm - Dinner
• 5:30pm - Family Time
• 6:15pm - Potty time, PJ's, Bible story, Singing and cuddling
• 6:30pm - Bedtime

Photo originally uploaded by comedy_nose
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Introducing an Older Baby to the Bottle

If you've ever tried to give a breastfed baby over a certain age a bottle, you'll believe me when I say that our son wasn't interested in that cold plastic thing with formula in it. We tried for several weeks but he would have none of it. Why did we keep failing? Well according to the "Baby Whisperer," Tracy Hogg, we weren't really giving it all we had.

Here's her plan, which worked really well for us:

1. Prepare yourself emotionally for a hunger strike. If your baby has had 4 or more months to enjoy and acclimate to nursing, bottles of formula probably won't be very appealing to him.



2. Offer the first bottle at the beginning of the day after Baby's had a long break from food and will be hungry yet well rested.

3. Don't force it. You don't want to create a negative association. If Baby doesn't want the bottle after about 5 minutes, just say "I guess you're not hungry" and put it away. Hunger is a powerful motivator. It's the only motivator he'll need.

4. Keep trying every hour or so until Baby takes the bottle. Our son never held out longer than two hours. They were two rather fussy hours, but over quickly compared to weeks of 'trying.'

5. It can be helpful to have someone other than Mom feed the first few bottles, but don't wait too long to join in. I found that my son would often reject them from me, but if we did something else and tried again 5 minutes later, he would take it from me too. After a day of that, he knew I was serious.

6. Commit to 2 days of only bottles after Baby accepts the first one. This was not my favorite part, but it did help our son get used to the new food.

7. After the 2 days, you can nurse again, but continue to offer a bottle at least once a day.

Our 11 month old son has been doing well with his bottles now for a week or so. I am sad to see the nursing go, but I'm glad we won't have any trauma when we leave him with Grandma for our week long mission trip that's coming up.

RESOURCES
The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems

Photo originally uploaded by brokinhrt2
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Sleep Tight

As a child, I loved being tucked into bed. Hugs, kisses, stories, singing, and then those blankets tucked next to me. It was a sweet tangible reminder of the security that came from my parents' love and care. Bedtime is now one of my favorite Mommy times with my 8 month old son. His Daddy and I sing and rock and pray and then "tuck him in" for the night.

When he was a newborn, the nurses at the hospital taught us how to swaddle him. We found that he was greatly comforted in those early weeks by being tightly wrapped. He was used to the confined quarters of the womb and it just felt natural. Sometime even when it wasn't sleepy-time, swaddling him helped to calm him. It's the most extreme example of how boundaries create security in children.

As he grew, however, he seemed more interested in getting his fingers into his mouth than being securely wrapped. We began to swaddle him under his arms when he became too adept at getting unwrapped (4-6 months). I still liked wrapping him up because it sends the message of "It's bedtime" clearly, and I love the cozy associations from my own childhood.

Then around 7 months, I was given a Halo Sleep Sack. It was a nice transition from the swaddle since he could then roll out of his blankets and during the fall and winter it's too cold for him to sleep without them. I think having a special sleep blanket (or sleep sack) still sends the "bedtime" message pretty well.

I don't think there's any reason to rush Baby to grow up and out of his swaddle, but when it's time to move on, simply let it go. The transition out of swaddling was an easy one for us. When Junior gets big enough to have sheets and blankets like a big boy, we'll see if he likes being "tucked in" as much as I did.

RESOURCES

Halo Sleep Sack
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer