Look!

It can be very tempting, in the midst of your current parenting challenges, to forget to stop and take a look around. So here's a reminder: Stop and ....

1. Look behind: OK, I have a confession. I'm a perfectionist. And, well, as a mom, that means I almost always have a "pet project of perfection." That also can morph into my "pet stressor." I tend to think "If I could just get him to __________ (nap perfectly / always obey / master the potty etc.), life would be great." That leaves me feeling a little like a failure most of the time, which is a shame because I get a lot of things right! It can be good for me to look back and remember how I helped him learn to drink from a bottle, sleep through the night, leave electrical cords alone, and keep his finger food on the highchair tray. Looking back can be very encouraging!

Another kind of looking back that I love is watching my little sister and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law navigating the newlywed, engagement, and dating phases of life. It is fun to watch their excitement and remember when my husband and I were there. New love is a sweet thing. So is the mature love that we're growing into, but sometimes parenting can get in the way of that. There is a temptation to turn my attention from husband to baby. He's the 'new thing' now. He's cuddly and cute. But, oh, remember when my husband was the 'new thing'! His kindness and great personality and history and dreams and accomplishments were so fun to discover.... and they're still there! I actually get to enjoy them a lot more now, so long as I remember to take the opportunity!

2. Look Around: When I look back in the photo album, it also reminds me how fleeting the days of parenting are. The changes are big and constant and there's no rewind button. I try to make time for playing with my son down on the floor at his level. He is my little buddy, and I love it! He is cheerful, active, curious, mechanical, and just plain fun! While the housework does need to be done, and I do have "learning goals" like Independent Playtime, Reading time, and Blanket time for him each day, I don't want to be so goal oriented that I forget to enjoy him. One of the great things about having a kid is that you get to resurrect your own inner child... and I would hate to miss out on the fun!

3. Look Ahead: I have been blessed so many times by my older sister. She's always been just a little ahead of me in life, and I benefit so much from watching her navigate the challenges that are headed my way. She's got three kids: a baby, a toddler, and a preschooler. With my son just on the verge of toddling (13 months), it is great to watch how she handles her older girls. What does she expect from them? How does she enforce discipline? How does mealtime work with that many little ones? How do you do nap time when there are two in the same room? How does she keep her own energy up with so many demands? When does the housework get done? These are all questions I've seen the answers to without even having to ask (and I'm not sure I would have thought of them all anyway) just by stopping by to help out and play and live life together once in a while. If you have friends or family with older children, take advantage!

It can also be great to talk with my mom or mother-in-law, or even my grandma about how they did things. There is so much wisdom there! A lot of people have been where I am, so there's no reason to re-invent the wheel. While books and magazines do have some good suggestions, parenting isn't exactly a new thing. I turned out pretty well and enjoyed my childhood. I think my husband and parents turned out pretty well too. It's great to glean the hard-earned wisdom of those who've been there. Plus, it's a great way to value and respect my elders! I think they like to be asked.

Photo originally uploaded by Photos8.com
Creative Commons