Humble Parenting

As any parent with more than one child can tell you, babies have personality. Contrary to what was previously thought, they are not "blank slates". A 30-year-plus study called the New York Longitudinal Study reports in the book Know Your Child about three of the most common baby temperaments.

First there's the "easy child." Interestingly, his temperament is usually diagnosed at a younger age than the other two. This is the laid back baby who doesn't make too many waves even when he's trying to tell you he has a dirty diaper. Dr. Dobson tells us these babies grow up to be "compliant" children. That doesn't mean this kid is necessarily better than another, but it means they seem to have less strength of self-will. This does make obedience a more natural response.

The "difficult child" is another temperament discernible in infancy (and obvious in toddlerhood!) that often persists through childhood. As a baby, he cries more frequently and tends toward irregular eating and sleeping schedules. As a toddler, he's more likely to throw a tantrum when he can't have his way. Dr. Dobson calls this the "strong willed" child because he seems to have more strength of self-will. In Parenting isn't for cowards, he points out that these children are more rebellious all the way through the teen years and often have a slower start taking on the responsibility of adulthood.

The "shy child" is the third baby-temperament found in the study. These kids aren't as explosive as the "difficult children," but they do tend to respond to frustrating or new situations by withdrawing.

While the parents of a compliant child might be tempted to take the credit and the strong-willed child's parents may feel the weight of guilt about his rebelliousness, Dr. Dobson points out that these basic temperaments are inborn. Parents are, however, responsible for how they handle their children. Parents of shy and compliant children need to make sure they are giving their kids the attention they need even when they don't demand it. Parents of strong-willed children need to win inevitable the battles of will.

My son is pretty laid back and I must say, it would be easy to dispense advice as though I "know it all." I find it useful to babysit other kids and learn some humility. Parents seem to accept guilt about their children awfully easily. I can help others by avoiding judgement and praying for them as they accept the tough job of parenting a strong willed child. Who knows what I'll get next, anyway?

RESOURCES

Know Your Child

Parenting Isn't for Cowards