How and Why to Avoid Child-Centered Parenting

There is a continuum in parenting. At one end is "Children should be seen and not heard" and at the other is child-centered parenting. The vogue right now is following the child's lead and sometimes even putting him in the center of the family. What's the harm in that?

In the short term, putting your child as your highest priority just seems easier, but Babywise 2 points out some of the many problems this will cause. (1) Child centered parenting attacks the husband-wife relationship, allowing partners to pull away from each other. (2) It creates a false sense of self-reliance in the child before he has the moral development to handle independence. (3) Because children aren't expected to give anything to the family, they have no family loyalty. They learn that people are only valuable for what you can get out of them. (4) Child centered parenting encourages selfish behavior in the child, which can lead parents to either abandon reasonable moral standards or create an adversarial relationship with their children. (5) It reacts to problems rather than preventing them.

Whew! What a list! So giving kids everything they ask for doesn't really make you a nice guy. It means that you deny your children what they need most from you: a parent. Kids can find friends in lots of places, but we are the ones God commissioned to be their primary authority figures.

I sure don't want my son to grow up selfish, incapable of loyalty, and with a false sense of self-reliance... but he's only a baby! Isn't this an issue for later days? Babywise 2 says there are plenty of things my husband and I can do right now to avoid child-centered parenting.

(1) Remind yourself that life doesn't stop when you have a baby. It changes, but you're still a sister, wife, and friend. Keep maintaining those relationships. Sometimes Junior will have to adjust. It takes more effort, but visiting my sister and letting our son nap at her house is worth it. It makes me a better mommy and teaches him that he's not the center of the universe.

(2) Have a weekly date-night. It's good for Baby to spend a little time in someone else's care. He'll learn that Mom and Dad have a special relationship and they always come back. Our weekly dates are good for me too. They remind me that my husband comes first. Staying home all day meeting Baby's needs, I sometimes need that reminder.

(3) Don't give up special gestures in you marriage. My husband made sure we had flowers on the table the whole first year of our marriage. When he still brings flowers home, it carries more than just a fragrant aroma. It reminds both of us that there's something special between the two of us in the midst of life's practicalities.

(4) Practice "Couch Time." Couch time is the first 15 minutes after Dad gets home from work spent with the husband and wife reconnecting where children can see them. This gives them a visual reminder that Mommy and Daddy love each other. It's also good for them to have to wait for Daddy's attention. It reinforces that they're not the center of the universe.

I'm glad to know there are some ways to teach our baby son that we love him but he isn't the only one who matters. Additionally, everything on the list is good for me too!

RESOURCES

Babywise II

Photo originally uploaded by DeaPeaJay
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