Grown Up

"In most cases an expert or another parent will tell you unequivocally that it would have been far wiser to have done the exact opposite of what you chose to do. Parenting is an invitation to suffering because no one really knows what to do." (How Children Raise Parents p 139)

Oh, so true! When I am agonizing over whether Baby is ready to drop his third nap or getting enough to eat, I can count on finding someone (or myself) to tell me that what I just did was the wrong thing. I never knew how much my own contentment could be tied up in the wellbeing and happiness of another until having a child.

I care so immensely about him and yet I don't always know what's best for him. Should I bend my schedule so he learns flexibility or should I put his nap time above talking with a friend for 20 minutes more? Should I insist that he eat more than two bites of banana or let it go?

Whatever I do, it's easy for an onlooker to judge. It's easy for me to look back and think, "what I should have done was..." This is the suffering Dr. Allender talks about; the suffering of parenthood. I imagine it will only grow as my son grows.

Why have children then, if it invites such pain? A better man than I once said: "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" (Romans 5:3-4). I know I'd like to have perseverance, character, and hope that is more than wishful thinking, but must I suffer to get them?

I think so. Maturity doesn't come easily. It costs something. We must not run from the difficulties inherent in parenting, but embrace them and allow perseverance to grow. Then someday while I'm busy persevering character will take root. Years later, when I look back on this process, I imagine I'll be able to look forward with a hope that is real and firm even in the face of further suffering. Oh, I want to be like that!

RESOURCES

How Children Raise Parents
The Bible