When Momma's Happy...

Ahh... everybody's happy.

As the heart of her home, Mom is the emotional center. Whether they know it or not, others in the house take their emotional cues from Mom.

There is a particularly strong emotional link between Mom and Baby. Studies have shown that babies of mothers with postpartum depression don't smile or coo as much as other babies. A calm mom is much better able to calm her baby, and a frazzled mom is likely to
stress Baby out.

I have found that I need to watch myself when big events come. Being a planner, I tend to worry about when, where, and how much our son will sleep. I worry during my sister's wedding, when a weekend away approaches, or as I plan a holiday celebration. Our son tends to pick up on my agitation and his naps are poor before the event. I have been better able to relax during the event itself and he does remarkably well with his sleep and attitude in general while things are going on.

With a baby, motherly worry seems to be a self-fufilling prophecy. Sometimes there are circumstances that make it tougher for Baby to get his naps and be cheerful, but Mom's worry only makes that worse. Social events can be a joy when we relax and enjoy them!

RESOURCES

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer
Babywise

Photo originally uploaded by 'Playingwithbrushes'
Creative Commons

Sleeping Away from Home

Depending on the kind of parent you are, Baby may be quite accustomed to taking naps away from home. I'm not much of a gad-about so this doesn't happen a lot for my son. He usually does well when we're at Grandma's or in a hotel, though. When the holidays come, Baby's naps will almost assuredly have to be a little flexible. So if he isn't used to it, here are some tips that can help.

*Darken the room: There will be lots of new things to look at so the less Baby can see them the better. At my mom's house, our son sleeps in their pitch black walk in closet and takes better naps than at home.

*White noise: You can turn on a fan, tune the radio to static, or buy a white noise machine. I have found this to be a great help when Baby needs to nap in a noisy house (ours or someone else's).

*bBlankets draped over the crib: Draping blankets from home over the sides of the crib can help Baby feel safe. It also contributes to darkness and blocks the distraction of looking around the room.

*Wind down away from people: In a crowded house, a baby can get kind of wound up with all the stimulation. Ten or 15 minutes before bedtime in a room alone with Mom can go a long way towards helping Baby wind down for sleep. I find that if I don't do this with our son, he has a hard time getting to sleep.

*Relax: Don't expect things to go perfectly for Baby. They probably won't and it's better to enjoy the holiday anyway. Naps might be shorter, interruptions are likely, and it can be hard to convince Aunt Sue that the Baby really does need a nap. Do the best you can and get back to the routine when you get home.

RESOURCES
On the Go with Baby
Babywise

Photo originally uploaded by robax
Creative Commons

Teaching Thankfulness

"Please" and "Thank You" from a child are music to Mother's ears. How can you make those melodic phrases frequent in you child's speech? By focusing on them while Baby is learning language in the first place!

Here's how we do it:

*Before each meal, we say grace. This means that our 8 month old must hold Mommy and Daddy's hands without squirming while we thank God for the food. We began around 7 months, but probably should have begun when we started solids at 5.5 months. I just didn't think of it then. The first few times we did this there were protests, but after a week of squirming, our son now willingly pauses before the meal. I doubt he fully understands, but we are training
a habit of the heart.

*When I see he wants something, I often say "Another cheerio (or whatever it is), please?" before giving it to him and "Thank you, Mommy" after. Babywise II suggests doing this because as he becomes used to hearing these phrases, he will imitate them and politeness will become second nature to him.

I love the phrase that Babywise II uses, "Train, don't retrain." The idea is to consciously encourage positive behavior rather than allowing a negative habit to develop that you'll have to work harder to counter later. Hopefully all my "please" and "thank you" will reap rewards when Junior learns to talk.

RESOURCES

BabyWise II

Swimming Up Stream

Being a good parent is a big job. There is food to put on the table, clothing to provide, intellectual development to steward, character to train, safety to guard, naps to orchestrate, potty training... the list could go on.

Being a parent is a high calling. More and more, however, parents are laboring without the support of society in the moral aspect of
their job (Bringing up Boys p 202).

Consider the television. My parents grew up with limited access to TV, but the shows that were available supported traditional family values. Father knew best. Now television watching abounds and the TV parents "just don't get it." Violence and sexuality on TV rob our children of their innocence and undermine any parental moral training they've received.

So what's a counter-cultural parent to do? Certainly the growing homeschooling movement indicates that parents are seeking to shield their children from the negative aspects of our culture. Yet we can't keep our kids away from life all together. How can we be "in the world but not of it"?

I think the answer lies in being there for our kids to explain the sin they see. We cannot completely control their world. They will see greed and anger and pride even in their own home. The important part is to explain that people sometimes make wrong choices. Thankfully, that can lead to the discussion of God's grace on those of us who admit our sin and choose to accept His forgiveness and turn from our wickedness.

RESOURCES

Bringing Up Boys
Going Public

photo

Visiting Saint Louis

David and I drove down to visit my parents a few weeks ago and got to spend some quality time with Grandma and Grandpa Gifford. Here are some pictures from their snazzy camera.

Mom and I took David to the Butterfly house down there. It was really neat. It's a greenhouse that's 85 degrees and very humid just filled with butterflies. I learned a lot and David was entranced by the butterflies.

This is right outside the butterfly habitat. David and Grandma had fun playing on the giant caterpillar and eating Cheerios.

Then he had to get a bath in their sink. He thought the soap was pretty cool until he had to get scrubbed with it :)

And then he had some quality time with Grandpa.

All in all, a good visit. If only David would nap in the car better...

Thankful for the Moment

What was the sweetest moment you had with your baby today? Mine was cuddling on the couch before nap time. We have this stuffed lamb that plays a lullaby when you wind it up and he is just fascinated with the crank. When it moves it makes music. Amazing. He sat on my lap playing with that for the longest time while I just soaked in the moment.

I have a bent for perfection: perfect meals, perfect napping schedule, perfectly clean house etc. This is not all a bad thing. Our son has a well ordered day and I know my husband appreciates the meals and clean house. But it can be a bad thing if taken to an extreme. If I'm not careful, I can spend too much time organizing, monitoring, and cooking and forget to treasure up these days in my heart.

I won't come by this way again. My son is well on his way to independence. He won't always be content to snuggle on my lap. Some day he'll be embarrassed by Mommy-kisses. Even now (he's only 8.5 months old), I look back at the pictures from when he was first born and marvel at that tiny little bundle. How he's changed!

I was reminded as I made my Thanksgiving grocery list to be thankful for the moments God has given me today. A lazy morning on my husband's day off, helping him make pancakes this morning, watching our son wake up from his nap, listening to a young father and his baby laugh. These are precious moments.

Parenting Paradigms

Most parents tend toward one end or the other of a continum that has Babywise on one end and Attachment Parenting on the other. There can be problems with either of these paradigms if taken to the extreme.

Attachment Parenting suggests that babies needs should be catered to as immediately as possible. If carried on beyond infancy, parents find that placing a child's happiness as their ultimate goal disrupts the family. It creates selfish children who are ill equipped to manage in the real world simply because it does not revolve around them. It also leaves Mommy and Daddy little time or energy for being Husband and Wife. This is not good for family harmony.

On the other end of the spectrum, strict schedulers find themselves attempting to control their child's eating and sleeping and playtime all the time. Striving for the unattainable perfect schedule stresses Mom, Dad and Baby. It also puts a lot of pressure on Junior to achieve, beginning with sleeping through the night at 8 weeks and continuing on to social and intellectual achievements throughout childhood.

As parents, we cannot control our children all the time. We can't make their happiness or success our ultimate goal. The center of the family ought to be the spousal relationship, not the parental one. Children need the security that comes from Mom and Dad's stable relationship. They also need the freedom that comes from not having all the focus on them. Childhood is a time to try lots of things and make mistakes and grow. When parents hover too much over their children, we rob them of the best things about childhood.

It's OK if Junior doesn't have exactly 45 minutes of Independent Playtime today. It's also OK if the he cries a little. "Good enough" is actually better than "Perfect."

RESOURCES

Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box