Co-Workers

Every new mom needs co-workers.  Sharing the journey of motherhood helps me do it better and more joyfully.  When I transitioned from being a working wife to a homemaking momma, it took some time to find a network of co-workers, but it has come.  Here are my favorite types of friends for the new mommy... and where I found them:

*Other new mommies - There were two other pregnant ladies at the school where I worked while I was pregnant.  Our babies are all close in age and I love to compare notes with them.  Parenting is new to all of us so when we find something that works well for getting Baby to sleep or eat his veggies we can share the joy of discovery.

*One-step-ahead mommies - My sister has a baby, a toddler, and a preschooler.  Visiting with her and her sweet girls is a great way to get some hands-on job training.  My baby is headed for toddler-hood fast, and it's good for me to see how she handles her toddler... and how she manages three kids.  I can hear about her triumphs and mistakes and learn.  My son loves to watch and learn from his cousins too.  Another place I've found one-step-ahead mommies is the Mom's group at our church.  There are similar groups in most areas.

*Grandmas - My mom has been a lot further down the path of parenting.  So has my husband's mom.  They are great resources.  I can get caught up in "the way everybody does things" and forget that people have been having and raising babies for centuries.  The perspective that time grants can be useful to hear.  Our son's grandmas have had time to reflect on their mothering and can help me realize that the problem I'm dealing with today isn't as big as it might seem to me.  They remind me that "this too shall pass" ... and I'll miss it!

*One-step-behind mommies - I've only been a mommy for 8 months, but I like to think I've learned a few things.  It's nice when I get the chance to hold a littler-than-my-little-one and say "We had that struggle too.  What worked for us was ....".  We have a few couple friends who have had babies more recently than us and it is wonderful to return the favor of all the meals and gifts and doting we received when our son was born.

Some days it can feel like you're "in it alone" being home with Baby, but fellow laborers may be closer than you think.  When our son is napping and I've gotten the house clean already, one of my little luxuries is to pick up the phone and call one of my mommy co-workers for a chat.

RESOURCES
In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms

You Are the Center of the Universe

You are.  Really.  You're the center of the Universe.  A mother is the very heart of her home.  What a privilege to be the wife and mother who sets the tone.  We are the ones who know where everything is; we decide when and what will be served at dinner. We are the social secretary, the discipline enforcer, the chief comforter, and so much more.

It is a sweet privilege, and also a great responsibility.  Who my children become and even who my husband becomes depends in great portion on me.  When I have confidence and patience and love for my son, he is secure, obedient and able to learn unhindered.  When I have encouragement, love, and respect for my husband, he is confident, productive, and loving.

But where do I get the strength to fill up my husband and son with love and confidence and other good things? Three things help me find this strength:

(1) Prayer and Devotional Bible Reading:  I don't do this at the same time everyday, but I make time to do it every day.  I love to lay on my bed with the Bible in front of me looking out the window and talking with God.  I ask Him to help me be who He made me to be.  God designed the family and only He can give me wisdom for parenting, motivation for cleaning, and love through it all.

(2) Naps:  I love to sleep.  I've always needed a lot of sleep, but my husband doesn't.  That can make it tough to get everything I need at night.  In the afternoon, while my baby is napping, I often do too.  I plan to keep doing that as he grows.  I think all preschool age kids benefit from "rest time" in the afternoon for an hour, even if they don't need to nap.

(3) Memory Making: Being a Mommy is such a great job!  Treasuring sweet moments with my husband and baby gives me more strength and motivation to do the job well.  I like to make a point of remembering my son's sweet face when he smiles and coos with me in the morning or the look of love in my husband's eyes.  When I stop and make a point of remembering the sweet things, those memories are there to call upon when the baby's crying or my husband and I can't seem to agree.

When Mommy sets the tone of the home, it's so important to get the rest and devotional time and memory-making you need.  Take a break this afternoon!

RESOURCES

In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms

Sitting

David likes to sit and play with his toys. Because he still tends to fall over, his protective dad sits right behind him to catch him if he falls.

Here he is sitting and flopping his hands around. He's very excited.

Here he is reaching for his toy. Pretty soon he will be crawling...

Keeping Marriage First

A strong and loving marriage is the foundation of a strong and loving family.  Yet, each little bundle of joy that arrives brings more busyness which can tend to pull Mom and Dad in opposite directions.  While we love our son, my husband and I know that we must protect our love for each other as well.  Here are three things we do to put our marriage first:

1.  Date Night - My in-laws are wonderful!  They come over every Thursday evening to watch our son while my husband and I go out.  Every other week we go to Bible Study together.  This gives us some interesting fodder for conversation and helps us maintain our identity apart from being a Mom and Dad.  On the off weeks, we go out on a date.  It's nice to go someplace without having to worry about the car seat and stroller and upcoming nap time.  We can enjoy each other and be carefree.

2.  Couch Time - When my husband comes home from work, he gives me 10 or 15 minutes with him.  This is time when Junior plays on the floor and we sit on the couch reconnecting about our day.  Our son knows he can have some special "Daddy time" afterwards.  It's a good visual reminder for us all that the marriage comes first.

3.  Praying Together - After our son is in bed and everything is taken care of for the day, before we go to sleep, my husband and I set aside a half hour to talk and pray together.  It is a sweet way to end the day.  We have found that it takes discipline to set the time when the "day" ends so that we can have that time together without getting to bed too late.

When children come along, it can be tempting to surrender to the "tyranny of the urgent" and forget what's most important.  My husband doesn't usually cry for my attention, but he needs it.  I need our time together too.  Even our son needs us to have it.  The home is a more joyful and peaceful place when we take the time to remind ourselves how sweet it all is.

RESOURCES
Moms Needs, Dads Needs
Babywise

Overtired or Undertired?

As mothers, we become scientists of our babies' sleep needs.  If a nap didn't go well, we want to know why.  Two common answers to why a nap doesn't happen are (1) putting Baby down too soon and (2) putting Baby down too late.  How can we tell the difference?  Here are some signs I've discovered of over-tiredness and under-tiredness:


Over-Tired Signs:
*Baby was yawning or rubbing his face earlier and no longer is.
*He doesn't seem to be happy no matter what you do.
*He seems overly energetic, almost frantic.
*He cries when you begin your wind down routine.
*When you put him down for a nap he cries hard almost like he's in pain.
*He suddenly falls asleep after his cries crescendo to a hard cry.
*Baby needs a car ride or the sound of the dryer to fall asleep.
*He only sleeps 30-45 minutes before waking.
*This is most common with young babies because they need a lot of sleep.


How to keep it from happening:
*Cut back on wake-time by 15 minute increments until naps lengthen and come with less tears.
*Put young babies (up to 4 months old) down at the first yawn.
*Use the "shush-pat" to help a young baby forget everything else and fall asleep.
*Make wake-time less stimulating.  It really doesn't take much to entertain a baby.


Under-Tired Signs:
*Baby seems fidgety while you do the wind down routine.
*When you lay him in the crib, he plays rather than falling asleep.
*Playing more than 30 minutes before falling asleep.
*Short nap or no nap.
*This is more common with older babies whose sleep needs are diminishing.


How to keep it from happening:
*Experiment with giving more wake-time (sometimes 10 minutes is all it takes).
*If Baby doesn't calm during the wind down, let him play a little more.
*After he's been playing in the crib for 30 minutes, go in and tell him rather firmly to go to sleep or repeat a shortened version of the wind down routine.
*If he's been playing more than 30 minutes, move him to a swing to fall asleep more easily as he may now be too tired to fall asleep on his own.


Giving Baby the sleep he needs can be difficult sometimes.  During developmental leaps, when they're sick (or after shots), or after a particularly stimulating wake-time it can be harder to come by sleep.  Patience and study on Mom's part can help.


RESOURCES
Babywise
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer

Flexibility

Babies thrive on routine.  Predictible times for naps and meals and play give a safe framework for learning and growing.  Yet, the schedule cannot rule the day.  It is there to serve the family.  Sometimes the family is better served by bendng the schedule a little.

Young babies (up until 3 or 4 months) are pretty well able to sleep while Mom is out running errands or Aunt Sue doing some holding.  The older they get, however, the less likely babies are to sleep in the middle of activity.  Thankfully older babies tend to be awake longer and better able to handle a late nap.  Flexing Baby's schedule looks different at 2 months than it does at 8 months.

At two months, my son was still very sleepy most of the time.  When I took him to the grocery store, he often fell asleep in his car seat.  Then when we got home, I would bring his seat in the house and let him finish his nap in it.  If he woke, I'd move him to the crib and he was able to get back to sleep and finish his nap.  That didn't even throw off the schedule. 

Visits from family or friends who didn't understand why he was ready for another nap so soon did cause a problem, though.  Sometimes it was worth it to keep him up a little longer to let Aunt Sue get in her holding time, but sometimes it wasn't.  Now (at 8 months), he is much more able to handle a late nap.

It's wise to know your own child's "point of no return."  A baby can be stretched a certain amount before breaking down.  For our son, that breakdown often came after we got home from a too stimulating or too long outing.  He would be an angel even as he was growing over-tired and over-stimulated.  When we got home however, he would scream and cry and have a terrible time falling asleep.  Other babies will have a meltdown in the midst of the outing.

One of the things I love about being Mommy is that I have learned to "read" my son.  He sends out little warning wimpers or turns his head away before beginning to really cry.  If I heed those warnings I can get him down for his nap in time... but I don't have to jump at the first hint of sleepiness either.

Another kind of flexibility comes in teaching Baby to sleep in places besides his crib.  I love that my son can sleep at his aunt or grandma's house just as well as at home.  We have always taken him to Grandma's house after church on Sunday and he naps in her crib there.  Since that's a regular, weekly event, he's also done well on periodic trips when he sleeps in his portable crib.

While flexibility is a noble goal, it's also wise to keep to the routine enough that it's "normal" and those times when you deviate from it are relatively rare.  It is important not to let life revolve around the baby's napping schedule, but it's also good to give him consistency.  As with so many things, balance is the key.

RESOURCES
On the Go with Baby
Babywise

What's in a Name?

One of the most significant things we parents give our children is a name.  I'm not just talking about deciding whether to call the new little bundle Alex or Aaron, but about discerning who he is and communicating that to him.  This concept of "naming" sounds new to our modern ears, but it's been around for a while.  In the Bible we see God changing the names of his servants (Abram to Abraham, Saul to Paul, Simon to Peter etc.) to reflect their calling.  Ever since Adam (the first man) was assigned to name the animals, humans have been reflecting God's nature by naming.

Whenever a teacher or parent tells a child, "You know, you're really good at ______" or "You have a gift for _______," they are naming the child.  I remember a Mathematics professor in college telling me about the gift he saw in me with Math.  A high school Spanish teacher likewise pointed out how easily the language came to me.  I grew up to become a Math and Spanish teacher.  Those two helped name me.

As parents we are called to name our children in more varied and significant ways than just helping them pick a vocation.  The Bible admonishes us to "train up a child in the way he should go" (Proverbs 22:6; emphasis added).  Dr. Allender suggests in How Children Raise Parents that naming a child is seeking out his natural bent.  What separates him from others?  What are his strengths and weaknesses?  What call of God do you sense on his life?

As we discover our child's name, we are then able to "train him up" in accordance with who he is.  We can give him opportunities to overcome weaknesses and grow in areas of strength.  We can inspire him by letting him know the gifts and callings we see in his life.  What a joy to help him grow into a man who knows his purpose.

RESOURCES
How Children Raise Parents
The Bible