He has done Great things for us!

I've now had the experience of telling several people of our plans to move to Nicaragua this coming August and seen their responses enough to figure it might be helpful to have our testimony of how God has lead us to the scary adventurous cusp of an international move all written down. So here goes...

Back before marrying my charming, inspiring, hard working (but I digress!) husband nearly 5 years ago (has it been that long?! But what a fun time we've had!), I remember sitting down at his dining room table and discussing our vision for our future together. And being amazed how well our dreams lined up.

Ever since I began studying Spanish in high school, it came remarkably easily to me compared to other students. I just loved the musical lilt of the language and the way my brain seemed to shift into high gear to understand and speak in this second tongue while maintaining a rapid pace of conversation. I had spent some time in the Dominican Republic and Honduras learning to love the Latin American way of life with it's slower pace of life, priority of relationships over time, and warm social (and thermal!) atmosphere. I also had my heart broken by the poverty I saw -- and how many mission trippers wanted to offer a 'quick fix' by sprinkling dollars around. That really only seemed to make matters worse as it encouraged kids to stay out of school to beg and gave them a "you owe me" mentality.

Leading a missions trip to Guatemala
while pregnant with our first child

Lucas had always wanted to live abroad and do missions work. He has an amazing work ethic as well as some pretty astounding technical skills and absolutely no fear about home renovations (or much else for that matter!). We prayed about it and it really seemed that God was placing Central America on our hearts. Our desire is to do economic development work that creates jobs for to keep the educated populace (whose dream is often "the good life" in the US) in Nicaragua. We desire to "seek another's wealth rather than our own" (1 Cor 10:24).

So, OK. We had this high-minded dream. But would anything ever come of it? We really didn't know for quite a while. But we began to move in that direction.

We married; had kids; lived our lives even while waiting on the Lord. Lucas began to investigate technology work that could be done over the Internet and transitioning his career in that direction. We hit upon "Drupal" as a good technology platform to start with. But Lucas needed more experience with that than he was able to give himself after work in a house with small children and lots of home improvement projects.

So we prayed, "When God?" and his answer came. I had never had such a strong impression in answer to prayer as what came: Luke 1:57 -- "Now Elizabeth's full time came for her to be delivered, and she brought forth a son." We still didn't have a great answer to 'when' but were so encouraged that "He who began a good work in us would be faithful to bring it to completion" (Phil 1:6)

We continued our search for what God might have for us by researching the different countries in Latin America and placing it before God as to where specifically he might call us. Lucas had a strong pull to Central America and the Caribbean so we limited our search to those countries. Nicaragua was by far the safest as well as the second poorest in the whole western hemisphere (second only to Haiti). The town of Leon, in a flat area near the Pacific ocean, has a colonial charm, a university (hence educated students) and is about the right size (150,000) so we made that our 'for instance' for a while. I did began to doubt that being the right place because it is quite warm. After a lot of prayer however, we have become convinced that this is where God is calling us. And once I was sure it was God's call and not my preference that should lead; I was much better able to place my own comfort in God's hands to care for as He sees best.

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There still remained the very large obstacle of Lucas' job. He applied for several positions in several different locations as we looked at moving for a year or two within the US for him to gain experience. Oh, and God is so kind! He gave Lucas a job in St. Louis, where my parents live! So we packed up and moved for Lucas' one year contract job.

Oh, but for anyone who knows my husband, it will come as no surprise that he gained the knowledge he needed before that year was up. He began to grow a bit bored and looked around for something else. But this time, being able to work from home (and thus, being able to move that home to another country) was a priority. A short term contract which wanted to work through Lucas having his own company came our way. To be perfectly honest, I couldn't see a great reason to leave his nice stable long-term contract for a shorter term situation; but Lucas kept wanting to discuss it. So we decided to ask for a really high rate, which would compensate for the higher risk associated with being short term and needing to find something else. Lo and behold, they agreed to the rate. So, well, we jumped.

Lucas started his own business even though I was thinking that step might come later. And when that short term contract came to an end? Well I took my worry to the Lord for two weeks and we lived off the money saved while he was making that high rate and God brought another long term contract after that! He is SOO good to us! Even in giving that on-the-edge-of-our-seats waiting season in which it really would NOT be OK if God didn't come through, He was good. How else would I have been able to really learn to TRUST and obey? Even in the things that matter so much?

Oh, and that starting our own business? Turned out to be a pretty good idea as it'll help us get our long term visas in Nicaragua! Icing on the cake from our abundantly providing Lord!

What's next?? Well we're still on-the-edge-of-our-seats as we plan to sell most of our belongings and move our family including three preschoolers down to Nicaragua come August when our lease is up here in St Louis. Oh, and hoping our house up in IL will sell by then too. So join us in prayer about that 'next' thing? We'd sure appreciate it!! And I'll keep you posted on how our Great God comes through ... even if it isn't what I'm hoping for :)

Baby #3 Brings Lots of Learning for Me!

Oh, I have been very very delinquent about writing blog posts!  But I'm not really sorry, because I've been very very busy about some very important things lately...  my people!

So anyway, I want to share some of the sweet (and hard!!) lessons I've been learning since the addition of our third baby 6 months ago...

#1 Do the next thing
When my eyes feel just sore from exhaustion and my to do list feels a mile long, there is great power in closing those tired eyes for a small second, gathering a rambunctious child or two in my lap and praying with them "Oh, Lord, give me strength for the next thing!"  He does. I might not get any *more* strength than that,  but I always get enough!

By the way, praying that prayer out loud and with my children has been a great parenting move!  They know Mommy doesn't have all the answers for life, God does!  I love that when my kids have a problem they now ask me to pray with them as we help resolve it.

#2 My attitude is contagiousness
I suppose that leads into this point -- my children will not become what I tell them to become, but what they see me becoming!  When I have poor control over my Spirit, so do they (even when I tell them not to!)  When I have a content attitude even when I don't get what I want, so do they (this seems harder to catch than the bad attitude, but it comes with a little parental encouragement and training...).  Deciding to "put on a happy face" even if I'm feeling grumpy helps us all to actually enjoy our day.  Simple, but seemed monumental when the 'newborn phase' of little sleep and lots of transitions for us all was going on at our house.

#3 I am never alone -- and it's wonderful!
In point of fact, I am an introvert.  Yes, I love to talk, but I also love to retreat to quiet for recharging my batteries...  so this always always having people around me that seems to have intensified recently is a bit wearing sometimes....  In fact my body seemed to keep me from falling asleep last night just because I had been a bit harried and busy and too 'on' lately.  I really just needed the awake down time of a quiet house until midnight even though I really ought to have been in bed (and usually am!) much earlier.

So all this quiet 'alone' time got me thinking... it's kind of sweet that even in the quiet of our house at that moment or in the couple of long drives I've had by myself recently or when I go for a walk to 'process' some nights after the kiddos are in bed...  even then, I'm never alone.  The Holy Spirit goes so far as to reside in me, and God knows when I rise up and when I lay down, I am never hidden from Him.

My kids hate to be alone; they love to be company for each other and for Mommy and Daddy.  It is a gift to have their presence.  It is a gift to have God's presence.  Sometimes just a quiet, "I see you" as we slow down enough to notice it.  Sometimes a delightful insight.  Sometimes the strength we need to make it through a rough moment, or week.  Sometimes the conviction that leads us to repentance   He is always with us.  Just writing that all out makes me feel like a hug!  And that's kind of what it is "under his wings," huh?  Well "Like a weaned child with it's mother is my soul within me"(Ps 131:2) -- and so I can be with my children.

Even though I do sometimes like to have a bit of peace and calm, I am so glad that my people and my God are never far away!  Even Winnie-the-Pooh knows, "it's so much more comfortable with two."

#4 The Richness of Relationship Multiplication
I saved the best for last.  Relationships multiply!  When I married my husband, there was one relationship that defined our family, me and him.  When we added our son, there were three relationships, me with my husband, my husband with his son, and mine with my son.  Then came our daughter, and there were six (all the previous, plus each of ours with her).  Now adding this second daughter, we've added four new relationships making ten relationships between our 5 people.

As a math nerd side point, this is called a combination (out of the 5 people, choose 2) and with each new person added to our family, the number of relationships grows more than it did with the previous addition.  Get it?  I used to teach math and aside from finding such things kinda cool...

I just LOVE seeing this lived out!  I love seeing my four year old make silly faces at his baby sister to make her smile and laugh.  I love watching our toddler help Mommy wash her little sister's feet at bath time -- quite literally!  And then there is the sweetness of my husband's little boy helping him change a light-bulb   I really could go on quite a bit about this one.  As amazing as it was the first time I held my first baby in my arms, it continues to grow richer from there as I watch these people I love so much love each other!

Aside from the warm fuzzy moments, which are such a delight, there are so many opportunities to figuratively wash each others  feet too.  "Can you get a diaper for the baby?"  "Son, it looks like your sister would like to play with you.  Do you think you could choose a toy to share with her?"  "Honey, can you bring this cup of water to your big brother?"  And these are only the times I'm there to suggest the help...  They are starting to think of it when I'm not there to ask too!

So there you have it -- my lessons from baby #3, so far.  It began with God teaching me to give up my own rights and serve these people even when I'm more tired and busy than I can rightly remember ever being and now has come around to seeing them serve each other.  I think God is up to something with these blessings!  I think he's forming Christ in us!  Oh, and boy does it keep us running to him for help when we simply cannot do it in our own strength!

What is childcare?

After enjoying a lovely night out with my husband for my birthday, I was talking with my Mom about how the time with the kiddos went.  She and my Dad (wonderful grandparents that they are!) had an interesting conversation while we were gone.  While playing out in the sandbox on an oddly warm January day, my Dad commented that watching the kids was "sometimes kind of boring, a lot of just being there" to which she responded that "it is what you make it."

That really got me to thinking.  Childcare is simply having kids with you while you go about life.  It is discipling them in all the little "when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." (Deuteronomy 11:18) moments.  Essentially, I am teaching my children how to be a little me.  I'm showing them what 'we do' in life.  This usually involves a lot of talking about the proper way to do things too, whether it's how to fold that towel or what kind of words we use when we ask for something.  It's a lot of little things that add up to the biggest thing most of us do in life: training up children.

I think if Momma is feeling bored like watching the kids is 'just being there,' there are two possible reasons.

1.  She doesn't really want to train them to be like her

Perhaps she doesn't really want her kids to spend their time surfing the internet or watching TV so she doesn't want to fill their time with those things... yet they are the things she's waiting until they go to bed to do.  Their presence is an inconvenience because it's keeping her from the things she wants to do.  This is a momma who isn't quite living by her convictions I'm afraid.  If she thought that what she wanted to do was truely a valuable pursuit, why not have the kids join her in it?

2.  She doesn't really want to train them to be like her

Let's be honest -- keeping the kids with you and teaching them how to do life is a lot of work!  A one year old doesn't naturally know to sweep that stuff on the floor into the dustpan.  A three year old will need repeated instruction on how to speak nicely to you or his sister.  It will simply take a lot longer to get things done if you're training your kids to help you do them....  but that's OK, that's why I'm at home just working on the basics anyway!  Why not let it take all morning to clean the bathrooms?  Why is it so important to hurry up and finish the chores?  So I can engage in entertainment that I don't want my kids joining me in?  I hope not!

3.  She doesn't really want to be a living sacrifice

This is something God has really been working on in my heart since we added our third child a few months ago.  My moments are not my own.  By the time the chores get done with little ones around, it's usually time for a nap and then to do some more chores.  Not so much room for the little "me time" window I used to have.  That means that my moments - pretty much all of them - are not my own.  Is that really so terrible, though?  Aren't we supposed to be a 'living sacrifice'?  Doesn't that mean my whole life is not my own?

Here's how this looks for me.  The house is mostly clean for now, the baby's napping, and we've got a half hour until lunch.  "Hmm, wouldn't it be nice to curl up on the couch and read that book I've got going?"  I think.  The kids are into books too so maybe we can all have a book time.  Up on the couch we go with our books in hand.  Quiet reigns.  It's glorious.  I'm enjoying my "me time."  Two minutes, or perhaps thirty seconds later, little hands start crawling up onto my lap and pushing my book away.  "Mommy, do you want to read me this book?"  "Mommy, what's this?"  I sigh and put away my book.  I thank God that these little people want so much to spend time with me and I give them the time that spells love to them.  It is a sacrifice, but it's God's great gift to me too.

The Monastery of Motherhood

Oh, squishy baby snuggles!  Tiny arms!  Innocent smiles and the ability to calm them by holding them because I am just their whole world!  Cute toddler first words and first steps!  Funny preschooler insights and imaginations!  Motherhood is lovely.  Breathtakingly precious.  Take it from my emotional mothering self.  There are times I just cry because it's so sweet!

And mixed in with that sweetness, there's a lot that's tough too.  Waking up in the middle of the night for the second time to answer hungry baby cries while my husband sleeps; waking up in the morning after that to a full day with energetic toddlers; seeing that bathroom I just finally got around to cleaning get dirty again far too soon; cleaning up a potty training accident for the third time that day; listening to angry cries as I calmly discipline.  Oh it is hard to stay calm while doing that disciplining sometimes!  And hard to keep a good attitude when the mess that will never be cleaned if I don't do it threaten to overwhelm me.

But I heard a phrase once that has really come alive for me as we've added our third baby to the home this winter: "the monastery of motherhood."  It is in a way.  It is a place that God is using to burn the selfishness off of me.  Everyday I have a dozen opportunities to kill my selfishness.  I can't say I succeed at every one of those moments (or really even half of them some days!), but oh it is growing sweeter and sweeter to rest in God's strength to do so.  Truly giving Him my moments as a "living sacrifice" to serve the "least of these" I find nearest at hand.  Oh it's nothing glamorous enough for a Nobel prize or even a salary, but "they shall reap a harvest if they faint not," right?  It's a life's work really and I'm just 4 years in, but I am finding such hope and rest for my soul in knowing that this is what God designed to refine me.

On temporary housing

So we have moved cities and said good-bye to our old home, friends, and church... but we are still waiting to move into the cute little duplex in a historic Jewish neighborhood that God seemed to lead us to when we were house hunting. We're in temporary housing a neighborhood or two away. An apartment that God is using to teach me lots of things. Here are a few of them:

*We are not home yet. Because of the somewhat displaced 'homeless' feeling of temporary housing, it seemed timely to make our family memory verse “Foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, Jesus replied, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head” -Matthew 8:20 last week. And it is good to keep in mind as our lives are ment to emulate Christ's. He didn't have a home. He didn't focus his time and energy on the perfect furniture, neighborhood, or paying off the mortgage. I want to travel light as we move through this world and not get bogged down by worldly pursuits so as to make me not useful for the Kingdom of Heaven. Yes we are a growing family and so can only travel so light, but if we want to be a serving family, that means our lives shouldn't be about our stuff and our home.

*Contentment is sweet, but not easy. Where we're living now is 1/3 the size of the home we left. That means the kids share a room and that requires more parenting in the evenings. It also means there are fewer places to be and so we spend more time together in our smaller spaces. Since my husband has our only car during the day, it also means less going and doing activities and less busyness. And since we don't know many people down here yet, there's more time with just our family. Life is smaller and more intimate. And a sweet enjoyment of each other's company is growing as we work and play in closer proximity. For me as an introvert, I have found that sacrificing the 'solitude' I could more often find in our old home, I am repaid with a sweet intimacy with my favorite people.

*Transition can bring the important things into focus. As we have left old things, but yet to fully establish ourselves in the new (house, church, etc.), we find it is a good time to contemplate how we want our new lives to be different. For example, I want to be more intentional about hosting Bible Studies with our new Church friends and gatherings for our neighbors and that's lead me to also look into 'adopting' an international student at the nearby university through International Ministries Inc. As a SAHM with two little ones and another on the way and no car, it's important to think with focus about the service I can do in the midst of the many programs I can't do.  And then it's important to do those things which means having the right priorities when setting up our new life, so it's set up for service.  That meant finding a home that's easy to host in, and a church that's close enough people would come if we host them.

So just some thoughts as Summer is a natural re-evaluation and change time for many and life often runs at a simpler pace. We can all benefit from a little 'we are not home yet' in our lives.

The "Why" behind our new "Where"

So we're moving to St. Louis.  Sudden?  It might seem so, but this is really just a step toward the vision of the future that Lucas and I have had since we were dating.

I remember the day vividly, we were sitting at his dining room table discussing the desires that God had put in our hearts and our hopes for the future.  For me that meant putting the language skills God had given me to good use and once again living somewhere outside our American "bubble" of nice stuff.  Lucas had a similar dream - to be used in a mighty way by God in another country.

As we've had more times of prayer together and conversations, God has gradually given us more pieces to the puzzle as He leads us one step at a time.  We both feel a call to do business development, tent-maker missionary work in Central America.  And for now that means that Lucas needs to gain some further experience in a technology called Drupal, which is used for building open source web sites.  This would allow him to start a small web development company, building and maintaining websites for medium and small businesses. This could be based anywhere with a good internet connection; somewhere like Central America.

So after several months of hunting and studying to become qualified for a position that would allow Lucas to gain the needed experience, a job interview in St. Louis came up.  He interviewed at 11AM and had a job offer by 2:30PM the same day!  After lots of waiting, God was moving quickly.  We drove down to St. Louis the following weekend to find an apartment and God again perfectly lead us to a duplex right in the heart of a historic Jewish neighborhood near Washington University.  What wonderful preparation for living in another culture!  And again we saw God's hand in confirming our choice for who the renters for our home would be in Bloomington.  

So now here we are, amid boxes and joyful chaos getting ready to move to the next step in the journey God has for us.  In his book Crazy Love, Francis Chen says that true faith and real Christianity is living our lives in such a way that we expect God to come through.  As we have moved forward doing that and staying close to the Lord so we can sense His will, it is amazing how He has provided "exceedingly and abundantly above what we could ever ask or think"!  We continue to walk forward with bated breath as we wait to see what else He has in store.  And we are so thankful that He is our "fortress and strength" in the midst of all this transition.

Is happiness really a good goal?

There is a phrase from Gary Thomas' book Sacred Marriage which has really stuck with me over the past few months since I've read it.  He asks "what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"  I think this applies to so very many more situations that marriage!  It applies to life!

Our western culture seems to have gotten it wrong.  We think the goal of life is our own happiness.  It is easy, even as a Christian, to get sucked into this mindset and think my 'calling' is all about using my gifts to the fullest to bring fulfillment and satisfaction and even honor to ME.  It's not that we don't want to honor God and help others, it's just that there's a lot of selfishness mixed up in even thoughts that we try to think rightly.

I am finding the 'monastery of motherhood' to be really good at killing some of this desire to be seen, fulfilled, comforted, and honored.  There are, of course, many supremely satisfying moments in being a stay-at-home-mother, and I know that it is a vision of fulfillment for many women to stay home with their children.  There are, however, many opportunities to serve in obscurity here in this home full of chores and children.  And right now this is my ministry.  And God is using it to grow in me the heart of a servant.

I don't think I'm all the way there yet, because I keep being taught this lesson over and again... but hopefully I'll come out better on the other side of these years.  That's his mercy in it I suppose, that there are so many years to continue the refining process in this way.  What a blessing my children are!  Not only in that they are cute and a legacy.  They are also a blessing in that they are God's chosen vehicle right now to mature me.