2009-12-30
Family Christmas
One of the best parts of Christmas is spending it with family. We were very blessed this year to have all of our family in town. At the Hedding Christmas, Leon was in from England so we took a family picture with everyone, even the beloved stuffed animals:
And then on the Gifford side Heather and Ned were in from Utah to fill up our family table. There are a few more little ones and spouses in that family so getting everyone together for a picture didn't happen, but here is the original family unit:
2009-12-28
Fun New Toys
After opening several presents, David has become a pro at playing with his new toys. Here he shows cousin Brooklyn his new "Mozart Cube."
2009-12-15
Esteeming Ourselves Too Much?
Our society is drenched in self-esteem. The generation that is now young adults is even called "Generation Me." We give our kids medals simply for participating. Perhaps we've gone a bit too far.
Would you prefer a next-door neighbor with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? How about an employer with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? How about a spouse with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? Perhaps our kids would fare better in the world if we taught them humility and modesty.
"Generation Me" unfortunately isn't faring all that well in the adult world. Many of them expect to have their parents' living standard without having to work for it. Enter the soaring credit card debt that is weakening our economy and society.
Our children are the future. If we are to change our decadent and deteriorating society, we'll need kids (and parents) who value hard work, maturity, and humility. How can we get there? Focusing our praise on moral victory is a good way to start. Here are some of the ways I praise my 9 month old's budding morality:
"Good job being patient while Mommy clips your fingernails."
"I like how you're keeping your hands out of your mouth while Mommy feeds you."
"Thank you for obeying me and staying away from the computer cord."
"Good job playing by yourself for a bit."
"I liked your self control being quiet in Church."
Of course, he doesn't just develop self control on his own. I also have to tell him "Keep your hands out of your mouth" and "Shh. We're in Church." quite a bit. I like to catch him in his moral victories, though. As he grows in maturity, self control, patience, and obedience, I look forward to many more ways to praise. This will teach him to esteem the good in himself but to overcome the bad.
RESOURCES
Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World
Would you prefer a next-door neighbor with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? How about an employer with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? How about a spouse with high self esteem or one who is humble and modest? Perhaps our kids would fare better in the world if we taught them humility and modesty.
"Generation Me" unfortunately isn't faring all that well in the adult world. Many of them expect to have their parents' living standard without having to work for it. Enter the soaring credit card debt that is weakening our economy and society.
Our children are the future. If we are to change our decadent and deteriorating society, we'll need kids (and parents) who value hard work, maturity, and humility. How can we get there? Focusing our praise on moral victory is a good way to start. Here are some of the ways I praise my 9 month old's budding morality:
"Good job being patient while Mommy clips your fingernails."
"I like how you're keeping your hands out of your mouth while Mommy feeds you."
"Thank you for obeying me and staying away from the computer cord."
"Good job playing by yourself for a bit."
"I liked your self control being quiet in Church."
Of course, he doesn't just develop self control on his own. I also have to tell him "Keep your hands out of your mouth" and "Shh. We're in Church." quite a bit. I like to catch him in his moral victories, though. As he grows in maturity, self control, patience, and obedience, I look forward to many more ways to praise. This will teach him to esteem the good in himself but to overcome the bad.
RESOURCES
Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World
2009-12-11
Shocking Behavior
When it first happens to us, our child's defiance comes as quite a shock. (The Little Boy Book, p 31)
Well it's happened to me. My sweet little baby boy has learned to crawl... and has found his self-will.
We baby proofed our house, but still have a computer cord running through our living room which is a "no" for Junior. The first time he scooted over to it was innocent. I told him "no" and moved him away. We've done that a few times. He gets it now.
So yesterday when I warned him as he scooted toward the offending cord, I thought he'd find something else to play with. Not so. He looked at me. Looked at the cord. Looked at me. Grabbed for the cord. Yes at 9 months, he willfully defied a known boundary.
So what's a new mommy to do? I gave his hand a smack and told him "no" with a little more force than before. But, I know that we're not exactly done with discipline here. He'll probably do it again. He'll probably come up with other ways to disobey.
My plan is to consistently reinforce the boundaries. The better his Daddy and I do now in his early months, the easier things will be when he turns 2 and really starts to test the limits.
RESOURCES
The Little Boy Book: A Guide to the First Eight Years
Boundaries with Kids
Well it's happened to me. My sweet little baby boy has learned to crawl... and has found his self-will.
We baby proofed our house, but still have a computer cord running through our living room which is a "no" for Junior. The first time he scooted over to it was innocent. I told him "no" and moved him away. We've done that a few times. He gets it now.
So yesterday when I warned him as he scooted toward the offending cord, I thought he'd find something else to play with. Not so. He looked at me. Looked at the cord. Looked at me. Grabbed for the cord. Yes at 9 months, he willfully defied a known boundary.
So what's a new mommy to do? I gave his hand a smack and told him "no" with a little more force than before. But, I know that we're not exactly done with discipline here. He'll probably do it again. He'll probably come up with other ways to disobey.
My plan is to consistently reinforce the boundaries. The better his Daddy and I do now in his early months, the easier things will be when he turns 2 and really starts to test the limits.
RESOURCES
The Little Boy Book: A Guide to the First Eight Years
Boundaries with Kids
2009-12-09
Being Real
A pregnant woman is a little like the velveteen rabbit in the toy store. There's a sparkle about her. Her baby will be adorable. She'll know just how to soothe away his cries. He'll be easily potty trained. He'll grow into a well behaved little boy that everyone will love.
Then, the baby comes and the process of becoming real begins. He cries. It's her job to help him stop. He's hungry or needs a new diaper. Again, her job. I never knew dinner time could come around so quickly as when I had a newborn. There were so many little things that were now my job, and time just flew!
As my son has grown, the opportunities for me to sacrifice and grow have multiplied. Slowly but surely, I'm becoming something better than sparkly (which surprisingly, is not even a word anyway!). I'm becoming real. It's easy to think you're a "good person" when not much is asked of you. Now I routinely have the opportunity to give up what I want for the sake of someone else. I don't always like it. But I grow because of it. Every sacrifice, from the career that gave me accolades and a paycheck to the meal eaten in peace, represents a step on the road to maturity.
Since becoming a mother, I have come to appreciate those who've gone before me in a new way. I think of the sacrifices that I sometimes struggle to make for my husband and baby and of how many more will come as our family grows, and I'm thankful for my sister, my mother, my mother-in-law and my grandmother. I see the ladies in the nursing home differently. They've walked this road ahead of me. They gave up their sparkle and selfish satisfaction in favor of serving their families.
I thank the Lord for the joy found in the everyday sacrifices. I don't just have to change a diaper, I get to watch my son learn to crawl and eat and speak and obey. Being a mom is hard work, but so valuable. It is of great value to my family, but it is more than that. It is the road God has marked out for my sanctification.
RESOURCES
The Velveteen Mommy
Then, the baby comes and the process of becoming real begins. He cries. It's her job to help him stop. He's hungry or needs a new diaper. Again, her job. I never knew dinner time could come around so quickly as when I had a newborn. There were so many little things that were now my job, and time just flew!
As my son has grown, the opportunities for me to sacrifice and grow have multiplied. Slowly but surely, I'm becoming something better than sparkly (which surprisingly, is not even a word anyway!). I'm becoming real. It's easy to think you're a "good person" when not much is asked of you. Now I routinely have the opportunity to give up what I want for the sake of someone else. I don't always like it. But I grow because of it. Every sacrifice, from the career that gave me accolades and a paycheck to the meal eaten in peace, represents a step on the road to maturity.
Since becoming a mother, I have come to appreciate those who've gone before me in a new way. I think of the sacrifices that I sometimes struggle to make for my husband and baby and of how many more will come as our family grows, and I'm thankful for my sister, my mother, my mother-in-law and my grandmother. I see the ladies in the nursing home differently. They've walked this road ahead of me. They gave up their sparkle and selfish satisfaction in favor of serving their families.
I thank the Lord for the joy found in the everyday sacrifices. I don't just have to change a diaper, I get to watch my son learn to crawl and eat and speak and obey. Being a mom is hard work, but so valuable. It is of great value to my family, but it is more than that. It is the road God has marked out for my sanctification.
RESOURCES
The Velveteen Mommy
2009-12-08
Sample Baby Schedules
Whether you're loose or strict about the routine in Baby's day, it is helpful to have some idea of what comes next. It helps the new Mommy decipher Baby's cries and gives Baby security to know what comes next. It also gives Baby a foundation into which he can assimilate new discoveries about life. Mom has the ability to plan her errands at a time when Baby will be happy and can look forward to regular naps for her own down time.
Here is our our son's schedule has looked at different ages:
Home from the hospital
We followed a 3 hour schedule from the get-go. That's what they do for babies in the NICU for even the tiny babies with tiny tummies so I felt sure he would get enough to eat. Our son was so sleepy, I woke him up to feed him almost every time.
- 6am-wake, nurse
- 6:40am-nap
- 9am-nurse
- 10am-nap
- 12pm-nurse
- 1pm-nap
- 3pm-nurse
- 4pm-nap
- 6pm-nurse
- 7pm-bedtime
- 9pm-nurse (dreamfeed: low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
- 12am-nurse (low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
- 3am-nurse (low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
The "by the book" way to do this is to simply let baby sleep as long as he will after the 9pm dreamfeed. We found that our son would still wake up twice at night if we did that. Instead, I woke him again at midnight and then he slept until morning (or very close to it).
- 7pm-bedtime
- 9pm-nurse (dreamfeed: low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
- 12am-nurse (low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
- 5-6am-wake, nurse
- 1 hour later-nap until 9am
Once our son began to sleep until 6am solidly from his 12am feeding, I began to move it earlier by 15 minute increments and dropped it over the course of a few weeks.
- 7pm-bedtime
- 10/10:30pm - nurse (dreamfeed: low light, no talking, straight back to bed)
- 6am-wake, nurse
The next goal was a longer time between feedings during the day. When I began consistently having to wake our son from his daytime naps to feed him, I knew it was time to stretch out the day. This overlapped with dropping the one middle-of-the-night feeding from the last phase as well. During this phase, afternoon and evening wake times began to stretch a little as well. 4 months is a time of transition!
- 6am-wake, nurse
- 7am-nap
- 9:30am-nurse
- 10:30am-nap
- 1pm-nurse
- 2:15pm-nap
- 4:30pm-nurse
- 5:45pm-nap
- 7:30pm-nurse
- 8:15-bedtime
- 10:30-dreamfeed
This is another time of great transition. Wake times moved to 2 hours each. The two afternoon feedings (1pm and 4:30pm) were combined for dinner, lunch (9:30am) moved back, and we dropped the dreamfeed. Also, with the three main meals of the day, we began solids. When it was all said and done, a rather more solid schedule was formed:
- 7am-wake, nurse (breakfast)
- 9am-nap
- 11am-nurse (lunch)
- 1pm-nap
- 3pm-nurse
- 5:15pm-catnap
- 6:00pm-dinner (solids only)
- 7:00pm-nurse/bedtime
So now we have only thee naps (sometimes two if the first two are really long) and nighttime sleep is a solid 12 hours. Although every day doesn't got exactly according to plan and there have been issues to work through at every step, I have really appreciated knowing what to work towards. Both my son and I have thrived on our schedule.
RESOURCES
On Becoming Babywise
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer
2009-12-07
Big Stander
David's new thing is standing up while holding on to things... for kind of a while! He's thinking about crawling more all the time, but not there yet. My little baby's growing up! Doesn't he look big here?
His and Hers Parenting
When two people marry, they bring their distinct backgrounds, traditions, and ideas of "normal" together. In marriage, however, "the two shall become one."
The molding of our separate selves into a cohesive couple has been fodder for many an interesting conversation in our house. Where will we spend Christmas? How much will we spend? Which church will we attend? How will we educate our children? There are so many instances in which two opinions must somehow come together because we can only make one decision.
But what about parenting? Do we have to agree on how to order our son's day? How about what he eats? What about discipline? Inconsistency would confuse him, right?
Not exactly. Mr. Rogers says in Many Ways to Say I Love You
that "Consistency is helpful and even necessary for children's healthy emotional growth, but the consistency I mean is each parent's separate consistency."
Even babies can tell the difference between Mommy-play and Daddy-play. Even as a young baby, our son would smile and wave his arms and coo at Dad to ask for a wild ride through the air and kisses on his tummy. He shrieks and laughs when Daddy plays with him. But when he's tired or mildly overwhelmed by a room full of people, he has a strong preference for Mommy's comforting arms. When he plays with Mom, he "talks" more and squeals less. He's no dummy; he can tell the difference between Mommy and Daddy.
When I taught Jr. High and High School Spanish, I noticed that different teachers often had very different experiences with a particular student. If one teacher was lenient with a strong-willed student, his behavior would be poor in that class. Another teacher, who enforced consistent discipline would not have the same problem (after some initial testing of boundaries). Each authority figure gets the amount of good behavior they enforce from a child.
Now this isn't to say that parent's don't need to agree about some things. It's helpful for a child to have some constants in life... but it's OK if Dad does things a little differently. As with so many "two become one" conversations my husband and I have had in our marriage, this one will be ongoing. It's wonderful to see how, over time, our separate opinions come together anyway.
RESOURCES
Many Ways to Say I Love You: Wisdom for Parents and Children from Mister Rogers
The molding of our separate selves into a cohesive couple has been fodder for many an interesting conversation in our house. Where will we spend Christmas? How much will we spend? Which church will we attend? How will we educate our children? There are so many instances in which two opinions must somehow come together because we can only make one decision.
But what about parenting? Do we have to agree on how to order our son's day? How about what he eats? What about discipline? Inconsistency would confuse him, right?
Not exactly. Mr. Rogers says in Many Ways to Say I Love You
that "Consistency is helpful and even necessary for children's healthy emotional growth, but the consistency I mean is each parent's separate consistency." Even babies can tell the difference between Mommy-play and Daddy-play. Even as a young baby, our son would smile and wave his arms and coo at Dad to ask for a wild ride through the air and kisses on his tummy. He shrieks and laughs when Daddy plays with him. But when he's tired or mildly overwhelmed by a room full of people, he has a strong preference for Mommy's comforting arms. When he plays with Mom, he "talks" more and squeals less. He's no dummy; he can tell the difference between Mommy and Daddy.
When I taught Jr. High and High School Spanish, I noticed that different teachers often had very different experiences with a particular student. If one teacher was lenient with a strong-willed student, his behavior would be poor in that class. Another teacher, who enforced consistent discipline would not have the same problem (after some initial testing of boundaries). Each authority figure gets the amount of good behavior they enforce from a child.
Now this isn't to say that parent's don't need to agree about some things. It's helpful for a child to have some constants in life... but it's OK if Dad does things a little differently. As with so many "two become one" conversations my husband and I have had in our marriage, this one will be ongoing. It's wonderful to see how, over time, our separate opinions come together anyway.
RESOURCES
Many Ways to Say I Love You: Wisdom for Parents and Children from Mister Rogers
2009-12-03
Child's Play
Maybe you'll find that, by watching a child at play, you'll tap into some of the playfulness inside you - remembering your own childhood and discovering new things about yourself.
- Mister Rogers
I remember when my older sister and I took her baby girl to the park a few years ago. I wasn't a mom yet and I've got to tell you, I was jealous. We had so much fun sliding and swinging and playing with her little baby girl. She got to hang out with that little person every day! Parents get to 'play kid' again. What fun!
And yet, now that I have my own adorable, fun 9-month-old baby boy, there's laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands, discipline... lots of things to keep me from play.
Oh, but Junior longs for Mom to get down on the floor with him. He loves to explore with me by his side. I love when we're reading and he sees something interesting on the page and looks up at me with questions in his eyes, "What is that, Mommy?" Or when he gets excited and bouncy just because I came to sit beside him while he studies his toys.
Playing with my son helps him to bond with me, but it does more than that. It gives me sweet memories with him that help me bond with him. Playing with my son (and my nieces) is a wonderful time to be goofy and fun and enjoy childhood again. It's a refreshing break from all that laundry, cleaning and errands.
RESOURCES
- Mister Rogers
I remember when my older sister and I took her baby girl to the park a few years ago. I wasn't a mom yet and I've got to tell you, I was jealous. We had so much fun sliding and swinging and playing with her little baby girl. She got to hang out with that little person every day! Parents get to 'play kid' again. What fun!
And yet, now that I have my own adorable, fun 9-month-old baby boy, there's laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands, discipline... lots of things to keep me from play.
Oh, but Junior longs for Mom to get down on the floor with him. He loves to explore with me by his side. I love when we're reading and he sees something interesting on the page and looks up at me with questions in his eyes, "What is that, Mommy?" Or when he gets excited and bouncy just because I came to sit beside him while he studies his toys.
Playing with my son helps him to bond with me, but it does more than that. It gives me sweet memories with him that help me bond with him. Playing with my son (and my nieces) is a wonderful time to be goofy and fun and enjoy childhood again. It's a refreshing break from all that laundry, cleaning and errands.
RESOURCES
2009-12-02
Fun Marriage
I remember the days when our wedding was approaching. I was so looking forward to the fun we would have being married and spending our days together. Dating was so exciting and adventure filled, surely marriage would be more (and better) of the same.
But regular life has a way of becoming routine. Between bringing home the bacon and getting that bacon on
the table and all the other tasks of running our household (now with a baby son) together, sometimes fun gets lost in the shuffle.
Then came the Friday after Thanksgiving. We decided to join the (surprising number of) crazy shoppers who wake up early and line up at the stores before they open at 5AM. Thanks to a wonderful father-in-law who came ridiculously early in the morning to babysit and sleep on our couch while we shopped, we had a really memorable (and tiring) morning.
In his book Mom's Needs, Dad's Needs, Dr. Harley reminds parents that they need more than just face-to-face time together. They also need side-by-side time together sharing "recreational companionship." This is actually Dad's #2 need from his wife (#1 being sex). I'm so glad we revitalized our marriage by bringing some fun into it at the crack of dawn. We got some good deals and made a big dent in Christmas shopping too!
RESOURCES
Moms Needs, Dads Needs
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